Thoughts while listening to music

It´s as if I´ve just rolled out of a dust, darks cloud and horrible feelings all over... climbed out of dirt. What is this? What is this place?? The hopelessness of the miseries is something that falls deeper...
Yes the fall is still going on, I felt it yesterday. It is actually going somewhere past what we have seen so far, deeper and deeper in to the causes of the worlds...Where are you going... ?

It is simply falling and falling and the dark dreams of the sadness are reaching out but the inner silence remains and you get stronger and training and only preparing... it´s like a warrior´s dance, he has to do what he does secretly... there is no other way... and there is never any reward, forget about it Taavi. Just go. And there is never any rest. Forget about it, Taavi. Just go.

And as the darkness grew you became more unsure about what are the inner depths of your own undiscovered areas, moving closer and deeper to the very core of your own inner essence, with no one else to be there, only the dance going stronger...

And then you had to fight without even knowing whether or not what you´re doing makes any sense at all, but you had to go, I simply had, there was one point when there was nothing else to do but to follow the craziest instincts and willingly jump into the unknown realms, and then fight fight fight with everything you got and the situation growing into some kind of impenetrable mist...

But the voices were something to be heard, by this I mean the intuition that leads you... You could be in a complete darkness and then suddenly there could be this tiniest impulse... and then you go 1000 km South instead of Varanasi. It can sometimes happen.

I think that it also has to do with the abilities developed so far... the ability to dance in the realms unseen without even thinking about it... it is more like a music going on and you follow it and it naturally leads you to the unknown shores... and then it could suddenly leave you and then you take it from there. And it´s all completely in the dark. But it can be felt.

And then it might become natural to start trusting these tiny instincts of yours... mostly love-based, or a flight of a bird, or... This is just a beginning. But at one point you might get a strong feeling: I´m going to Vienna and then you take a train from Mainz which is 600 km and the train will leave in 20 min and you don´t have any preplanning but you just take it like what the heck.

This is what happened to me. I was just walking out of a hotel in Mainz after... but I don´t remember exactly. But this is something that you need to do, follow your intuition and instincts. There is absolutely no question about it. Or at least there was not until I found her.