Again I do not want to re-face the pain and emotional trauma; I am about to approach one of the most emotionally challenging part of this journey. I cannot foretell anything, ask no questions - it would lead me right where I do not wish to go. A little bit too... It is not something that I wish to describe...
Yet I know that it would solve it, I think that maybe, just maybe slowly expressing these kind of memories would help me to solve this. For I don't think that I can do it alone anymore; it is a collective journey as well and you too need to re-face the 11th. But it just happens that the light codes of the tragic emotional history were handled... I had this vision... I know...
Well, you need to go back to your hearts. And what is inside your hearts? Sacred knowledge and ancient history. Now, what does prevent you from re-entering this gentle and sacred space within your own true rich (this is something that you remember!) and wonderful heritage?
I believe that it is your emotional heritage that prevents you from going back there. Another way to put it: You started to believe your thoughts more than your heart, because your hearts were full of pain and you did not want to face it.
As far as I know, 4.3 billion years ago you blew up your emotional bodies. (The Big Bang, I am using this number to also refer the transition or fall from 4th to 3rd, and by 4.3 billion of years you can approximately imagine the amount or size of the tragedy. Plus I do believe that it was like this. In high school I also wrote an essay in physics on the topic: What happened before the Big Bang? And I found the conclusion that time itself was created with the big bang, so that nothing could actually happen _before_ that blow-up. And now I start to suspect that indeed this refers to the fall from 4th to 3rd (from your hearts to your feeling center)).
And after that the first feeling you felt was guilt: what have we done? So you started this last 4.3 billion-year-cycle with a deep feeling of guilt and pain, maybe also shame but mostly deep guilt I felt (So lot of sexual blockages as well. I wonder what you did within the previous cycle before that with your sexuality?), having blown up your previous emotional bodies.
After that I believe that you have tried over and over again to approach or re-create the sacred experience of the true feeling of love and belonging within your hearts and original emotions or feelings (I love them! This is where we are from!). You have attempted to do this by technology, by sexual pleasure, by drugs, by pretty much anything except:
Re-facing your true emotional body and feelings (-> this would lead you right back to more home, towards and into your spiritual bodies in a more natural and harmonious way, without the need to do any drugs or smoking. It would also be in harmony with the mind, effortlessly, because it would be thru the feelings that arise from your sacred heart-space. This is what I have been trying to heal.)
But when the feeling body is full of pain and guilt and the heart aches, you might not have the guts to re-face it and embrace it, especially if it would require accepting your criminal deeds in the past. But when you want to enter the 4th dimension, you need to do it heartfully and that is to re-embrace and accept your true feelings. I don't think that you can get past this test without this anymore. The clock has fallen and the time ...
This is the sacred teaching and this is where your true home is: within your hearts. Have you forgotten? Do you know this sense of longing? Always missing something, always wanting to go away somewhere? Maybe one night you did see the stars and felt something, hmm... aren't they a bit ancient... Well I had this sense of going there very strongly. Your heart is calling you. How can you resist? Is it even wise to resist?
Who blew up the 11th? The journey to the 4th is thru the gateway on 11th. You need to accept and re-embrace the 11th. Your hearts. Your divine and true galactic origins. Where are you from? It is time to wake up. Yesterday I was walking on this planet in a shop and thought: hmm, there isn't even a planetary government that I could turn to to ask: what are our goals as a planet.
Hm hmm hm. Wake up. Don't you think it is a bit strange over here? Who built the cities? Why are there so many countries? Who are the governments and why are they not doing yoga? I would say that a healthy way to connect with the Sun of this solar system would be for example Surya Namaskara by the ancient teachings. Believe me, it is more efficient than a car for opening your 10th chakra.
Anyway, it is time to go :)
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