worrying about the money

Emotional cleansing of the money network.

Soon I will go back to the town again, and soon after that I will be bankrupt. Then I have to start from zero. Maybe indeed it is a normal procedure, but when I already have a family, as she said, it is not such a good idea to have such financial high-risks all the time.

Once I was used to poker and played around with a bit, went pro for 2 years but never taking it too seriously. The thing with poker is, is that it is very individualistic and competitive. But I enjoy being around a family that I love very much.

I think that the money network could be less fierce, I think that it would be very nice if I could be rich without having to fight for it all the time.

Wouldn't it be awesome if I could just get paid for being together with the children as a teacher? This is indeed what I could get and it will probably continue in September, but so far I need to somehow manage.

All of my money will go to training courses and yoga and things like that, and very soon I will discover myself poor again.

Where did I get the money last time? From piano place, 60 eur/week or the teacher's salary, minimum wage, about 350 euros/month.

When our rent is 50 eur + 10 eur electricity and I pay half of it, it is 30 euros. And the food is like what, less than 100 euros a month.

So I am indeed able to survive.

But now in the summer I have lot of outgoings, -210 euros in cash for teacher training courses and yoga. And no income or wage, the piano place I also don't know, maybe too much busy in summer and time to move somewhere else. But where?

I don't see an option, how could I get paid for my real work? Maybe it does not matter. I can simply continue doing it and living a low-end life financially, giving out everything towards a loving friendship and family. 

But then there's this integration thing, many people still rich and prices of bicycles very high, and making me sad, never able to afford them. Also I cannot afford a place to live in.

It is a little bit stupid.