When was time to go, I could feel it. One day I simply went to the marketplace with a guy who was attending an impro-dancing festival there, he was renting a motorcycle. I knew that it could cause some trouble inside the workplace but I was tired and what the heck, inside I had already decided that I quit, also one month had passed. Also some of the co-workers were getting upset and I had enough.
So I go with the motorbike to the market, sitting at the backseat, and we go to a coffee place or something and they offer me coffee (I think he was Italian) and then we go to another place and I get some milk drink also. Later we go back to the guesthouse and everybody was like WHERE THE F WERE YOU?? especially the quiet new cook.
And I'm like: AT THE MARKET! and try to calm it down and I manage it and then I say that I quit anyway. Somebody had left a bag with old clothes there, oh, now I remember! it was one of the beautiful German girls, not the one that I talked with but the other one. At least her cardigan was inside the bag. Also someone had left a cheap local flute inside that bag and left.
They're like: you can take it, yea, she probably left it there and now it's free to take. I mean the guys attending the impro-dancing festival that had now ended. This is also why I quit, big party over, dish-washing and hosting-work done.
So I take this bag to travel on and I go to the boss at the internet cafe and say that I quit and I want my salary (1000 rupis for 1 month). But they were a bit upset that I had disappeared before without telling them and so he talks to his brother (who was a bigger boss and now back near Delhi or something). And thru the phone his brother tells to give me only 500, because I had not worked properly. I agree and ask how do I get to the train station. We are actually happy to leave and it ended in peace and I apologize and all and we remain friends.
I get the instructions and I am free to go. I go with bus to Ajmer I guess were there was a big train station. In Pushkar there are only 2 bus stations, but the nearest train station is in Ajmer, which I think is few km in south from Pushkar.
In the train station I want to go to Varanasi but I don't find the right gateway entrance; then I go to the railway station guy in his nice old-fashioned office and ask how do I get to the Varanasi train, but he takes time and we don't really communicate very well and when I get the proper instructions, it turns out that the Varanasi train had already left 10 minutes ago. (In Pushkar I tell everyone in the end that I will go to Varanasi next, probably for the music school (sitar)).
But now what?? I am confused. I don't know where to go. What do I do? I walk in front of the railway station a bit and then go to the local internet cafe. Yay, I manage to find it inbetween the houses! I have these hindi trousers on that the boss had bought me and they keep falling a bit down, quite loose, not too down, but a little bit, not a problem for me. But as I enter the internet cafe, they tell me to pull my pants up. I also have shoes on at that time, my very own Puma slippers that I had bought from Tartu years ago.
So I go to the internet cafe and search for a place to rest. I am really tired of all this work (energetic work and cleansing and heavy disturbances and energetic hosting and harmonizing and relation-therapy). So I search for a higher-level eco-village to stay at. I heard that they have one in south-east India but that is very far. So I search Google for nearer and I find that there should be one nearby as well, I think it was Govardhan Ecovillage. I write Govardhan Ecovillage on a piece of paper. This is very fun. What happens next is beyond anything.
So I search were that ecovillage is on the map, I think it was like near Mumbai. So I take a train towards Mumbai. But I don't remember the exact stop, and even more, when I go on the train, I go to the sleeping wagon. But I had the wrong ticket (normal ticket but wrong wagon) and I could sleep a bit because there was space and the people were nice; but then the control comes and asks: hey, what are you doing here?
And I apologize and all and he says: You go off next stop and you have to pay 650 rupis. And I basically give him all my money, I think I had 600 rupis or something. And I go off the train at Surat. Now what?
I am at the middle of a strange foreign place, so what do I do? I think that the eco-village should be somewhere near, so I simply start to go by foot, I think that it should be somewhere in that direction thru the town and I start to walk. It is a very hot day and after a few km I get very tired and the city does not seem to end. So I sit down on a side of the street after having put all of my effort towards going to Govardhan Ecovillage.
Many local hindi guys start to gather around me, but I am too tired to talk to any of them too much, so I simply hand them the piece of paper where is written: Govardhan Ecovillage. I believe that they will find it, they usually have smartphones there. And indeed, soon they talk with each other a lot and then come back to me with an answer, that I am 200km in the wrong direction and I should go back to the train station.
I say that I don't have any money to continue that way. //
I will make a stop here but this is going to get a bit too intense :) I have told this story to one person but in a very concentrated form, and it is too much wtf anyway.
teisipäev, 31. mai 2016
laupäev, 28. mai 2016
Päriselt veel ei lähe aga ettevalmistus eelmisele. Pushkaris.
Tulingi ära. Kui kuu aega oli täis saanud, tegin enda sees otsuse, et ma enam seal ei tööta. Siiski oli veel mõni päev jäänud.
Mäletan varasemast, et korra olin pidanud Shri Krishna Homestay'st toimetama ühe kirja nende internetikohvikusse, mis asus rohkem linnas. Shri Krishna Homestay asus rohkem linnast väljas, mäe nõlva ääres. Läksin seda kirja või rullikeeratud paberit viima jalgrattaga, ent kui ma internetikohviku juurde jõudsin, polnud bossi seal, vaid tema abiline, ja mul tuli oodata.
Siis ühtäkki turgatas mulle mõte; jätsin paberid abilise kätte ja andsin talle märku, et ta need hiljem ise bossile üle annaks, ta noogutas ja oli nõus. Siis hüppasin kähku tagasi jalgratta selga ja sõitsin edasi, suund linna poole ja turule.
Mul oli raha, ühel päeval oli bossi purjus vend mulle viinauimas lihtsalt niisama 2000 ruupiat andnud. (Kuupalk oleks olnud 1000.) Aga tal läks süda heldeks ja ta lihtsalt pihtis mulle oma elust ja tundis mulle kaasa ja ta oli vist päris rikas. Ja ta küsis, et palju mul raha on ja palju mul vaja on ja ma ütlesin, et ei ole ja et ma ei tea ja siis ta lihtsalt andis mulle 2000. Aga see selleks.
Kui ma selle rahaga turule jõudsin, ostsin puuvilju. Ma ei mäleta, mida kõike täpselt, aga see papaia seal oli näiteks hästi hea. Keegi kerjus küsis mult enne turgu raha ja siis ma pärast tõin talle puuvilju. Hiljem liikusin edasi ühtede teiste kerjuste juurde, kellest üks oli hästi ilus ja heasüdamlik, lahke olemisega ja naeratav naine, aga ta ei saanud kõndida. Nad istusid maas tolmus. Küsisin, et kas nad tahavad puuvilju ja naine tahtis, aga paar vanameest tahtsid ainult veidi raha chai jaoks (chai maksab kas 10 või 5 ruupiat). Naisele tegi nalja, et ma olin nüüd jalgrattaga. Näitasin talle keelt ja ütlesin jah ja me naersime. Olin teda juba varem näinud ja ta oli ka Tanyaga kohtunud ja ta teadis, et ma töötasin Pushkaris.
Sõitsin siis tagasi hotelli või külalistemaja poole ja natuke enne seda oli tee ääres paremat kätt üks pühamees. Ta tegi parasjagu midagi värvidega ja ma pidasin ka kinni ja ütlesin tere. Ta ütles, et oota ja tegi valge värviga mu kolmanda silma kohale mingi valge märgi või täpi ja andis oma õnnistuse. Ma tänasin ja pakkusin talle kombe kohaselt vastutasuks raha. Ma küsisin, et palju ta tahab ja lasin tal rahatähtede seast valida; pakkusin talle mingi 40 ja ta võttis 10.
Siis sõitsin, valge täpp otsaees ja hulganisti puuvilju kaasas, tagasi Shri Krishna Homestay külalistemajja. Impro-tantsijad elasid osad siis veel seal. (See juhtus varasemalt, aga on ettevalmistuseks järgmisele lahkuminekule.) Lõikasin papaia lahti ja pakkusin kõigile, Deepak tuli ja võttis ka.
Oli selline helde pärastlõuna ja see aitas mind hiljem päris palju, omavaheline ühendus oli nüüd parem ja meie südamed olid üksteisele rohkem avatud.
Mäletan varasemast, et korra olin pidanud Shri Krishna Homestay'st toimetama ühe kirja nende internetikohvikusse, mis asus rohkem linnas. Shri Krishna Homestay asus rohkem linnast väljas, mäe nõlva ääres. Läksin seda kirja või rullikeeratud paberit viima jalgrattaga, ent kui ma internetikohviku juurde jõudsin, polnud bossi seal, vaid tema abiline, ja mul tuli oodata.
Siis ühtäkki turgatas mulle mõte; jätsin paberid abilise kätte ja andsin talle märku, et ta need hiljem ise bossile üle annaks, ta noogutas ja oli nõus. Siis hüppasin kähku tagasi jalgratta selga ja sõitsin edasi, suund linna poole ja turule.
Mul oli raha, ühel päeval oli bossi purjus vend mulle viinauimas lihtsalt niisama 2000 ruupiat andnud. (Kuupalk oleks olnud 1000.) Aga tal läks süda heldeks ja ta lihtsalt pihtis mulle oma elust ja tundis mulle kaasa ja ta oli vist päris rikas. Ja ta küsis, et palju mul raha on ja palju mul vaja on ja ma ütlesin, et ei ole ja et ma ei tea ja siis ta lihtsalt andis mulle 2000. Aga see selleks.
Kui ma selle rahaga turule jõudsin, ostsin puuvilju. Ma ei mäleta, mida kõike täpselt, aga see papaia seal oli näiteks hästi hea. Keegi kerjus küsis mult enne turgu raha ja siis ma pärast tõin talle puuvilju. Hiljem liikusin edasi ühtede teiste kerjuste juurde, kellest üks oli hästi ilus ja heasüdamlik, lahke olemisega ja naeratav naine, aga ta ei saanud kõndida. Nad istusid maas tolmus. Küsisin, et kas nad tahavad puuvilju ja naine tahtis, aga paar vanameest tahtsid ainult veidi raha chai jaoks (chai maksab kas 10 või 5 ruupiat). Naisele tegi nalja, et ma olin nüüd jalgrattaga. Näitasin talle keelt ja ütlesin jah ja me naersime. Olin teda juba varem näinud ja ta oli ka Tanyaga kohtunud ja ta teadis, et ma töötasin Pushkaris.
Sõitsin siis tagasi hotelli või külalistemaja poole ja natuke enne seda oli tee ääres paremat kätt üks pühamees. Ta tegi parasjagu midagi värvidega ja ma pidasin ka kinni ja ütlesin tere. Ta ütles, et oota ja tegi valge värviga mu kolmanda silma kohale mingi valge märgi või täpi ja andis oma õnnistuse. Ma tänasin ja pakkusin talle kombe kohaselt vastutasuks raha. Ma küsisin, et palju ta tahab ja lasin tal rahatähtede seast valida; pakkusin talle mingi 40 ja ta võttis 10.
Siis sõitsin, valge täpp otsaees ja hulganisti puuvilju kaasas, tagasi Shri Krishna Homestay külalistemajja. Impro-tantsijad elasid osad siis veel seal. (See juhtus varasemalt, aga on ettevalmistuseks järgmisele lahkuminekule.) Lõikasin papaia lahti ja pakkusin kõigile, Deepak tuli ja võttis ka.
Oli selline helde pärastlõuna ja see aitas mind hiljem päris palju, omavaheline ühendus oli nüüd parem ja meie südamed olid üksteisele rohkem avatud.
reede, 20. mai 2016
Kui oli aeg Pushkarist lahkuda
Jõudsin kohta, kus ma olin ümberkaudsete naabritega sõbraks saanud ja jõudnud Raviga samuti ära leppida. Kuu aega selles uues külalistemajas hakkas täis saama ja ma ei tahtnud seal enam kauem püsida. Impro-tantsijad olid veel seal, minu ümber, ent kui nende üritus läbi sai, tundsin ka mina, et aeg on lahkuda.
Ma ei hakka rääkima ka sellest, et mõni aeg enne seda olin võtnud vihahoos klaasi ja visanud selle vastu seina puruks, üle Shri Krishna Homestay külalistemaja hoovi või õuepealse, ja teadmata põhjustel nutnud ja nutnud, kui kedagi parasjagu kodus polnud. Olin ka sõbraks saanud lähedal, üle tee elavate kohalikega, kelle juurest sai teinekord värskeid juurvilju toodud. Neil oli oma aed. Hiljem tuli üks neist minu juurde ja ütles: "Taavi, sa ei ole siin õnnelik. Ma näen seda. Sa ei ole siin kodus. Sa oled kurb? Miks sa edasi ei lähe? Mida sa siin teed?"
Deepak oli ka vist juba oma nädal varem tagasi Nepali lennanud, otse Delhist, boss oli talle veel pileti välja teinud. Aasta varem oli tal jäänud Pushkaris palk saamata, nii et seekord läks väga hästi. Temaga koos tegime ka teinekord katusel lõket ja oli huvitavat äikest ja sadas tugevat vihma, mida seal sageli ei esine. Selline puhastav, eriline äike oli.
Nii et aeg hakkas jah, tõepoolest ümber saama ja tundsin tugevat survet edasi liikuda. Lisaks sellele vahetus kokk ja kuumahooaeg oleks niigi varsti alanud. Tegin ülemineku küllaltki järsku, aga ma vist väga ei taha sellest praegu rohkem rääkida. Sellised lahtirebimised on teinekord ikka küllaltki sündmusterohked.
Ma ei hakka rääkima ka sellest, et mõni aeg enne seda olin võtnud vihahoos klaasi ja visanud selle vastu seina puruks, üle Shri Krishna Homestay külalistemaja hoovi või õuepealse, ja teadmata põhjustel nutnud ja nutnud, kui kedagi parasjagu kodus polnud. Olin ka sõbraks saanud lähedal, üle tee elavate kohalikega, kelle juurest sai teinekord värskeid juurvilju toodud. Neil oli oma aed. Hiljem tuli üks neist minu juurde ja ütles: "Taavi, sa ei ole siin õnnelik. Ma näen seda. Sa ei ole siin kodus. Sa oled kurb? Miks sa edasi ei lähe? Mida sa siin teed?"
Deepak oli ka vist juba oma nädal varem tagasi Nepali lennanud, otse Delhist, boss oli talle veel pileti välja teinud. Aasta varem oli tal jäänud Pushkaris palk saamata, nii et seekord läks väga hästi. Temaga koos tegime ka teinekord katusel lõket ja oli huvitavat äikest ja sadas tugevat vihma, mida seal sageli ei esine. Selline puhastav, eriline äike oli.
Nii et aeg hakkas jah, tõepoolest ümber saama ja tundsin tugevat survet edasi liikuda. Lisaks sellele vahetus kokk ja kuumahooaeg oleks niigi varsti alanud. Tegin ülemineku küllaltki järsku, aga ma vist väga ei taha sellest praegu rohkem rääkida. Sellised lahtirebimised on teinekord ikka küllaltki sündmusterohked.
laupäev, 14. mai 2016
Katsun selgitada
Ja lõpuks jõudiski kätte aeg, mil ma lihtsalt pidin selle valuga silmitsi seisma; mul ei olnud kuhugi ära minna, kuhugi enam joosta. Millegipärast ma endiselt ei taha väga sellest rääkida, justkui iga sõna rebiks midagi maha. Ma proovin kirjutada lugusid, et mis juhtus, aga ometi mind nagu tõmmatakse omaenda südamesse, sisemusse, silmitsi selle valuga, ma ei tahtnud, aga ära kellelegi räägi, see oleks peaaegu juhtunud.
Mida üksikumana ma hakkasin ennast tundma, et asjad ... võtsid küllaltki varsti sellise pöörde, et aeg oli sealt lahkuda ja... Ma isegi ei taha, ma ei taha mitte midagi sellest avaldada. Mitte ainumastki detaili. See pole üldse nii tore kusagil ...Võib-olla ma lihtsalt lähengi valupiirkondadesse ja ... kogen selle kõik uuesti läbi ja ...
Ma arvan, et ma tean ja tajun seda emotsionaalset jälge asjadest, mis on kusagil, mingis paigas kaugel minevikus juhtunud. Ja kui juhtumisi see jälg on huvitavalt ...
Teinekord on absurdne, see töö on niivõrd ülivõrdes absurdne, sest need asjad mis juhtusid, olid tehtud väga rumalalt. Ütleme nii, et mingi plahvatus ühes paigas ja õnnetus teises, ja keegi pole hiljem väga nende emotsionaalsete jälgedega tegelenud ... ÕIGEL dimensioonilisel tasemel.
Et võib-olla sa pead minema ja sisenema õigesse maailma ja õigesse hetke läbi valuväravate, et mingeid asju lahendada. Et kui mingid asjad on kuhugi kinni jäänud, või näiteks sa leiad üles suurtes kogustes valu ja selle algpõhjuse ja koged selle uuesti läbi ja ütled sellele kogemusele jah (mida ma tagantjärele veel ehk ei tahagi), siis see asi kuidagi omamoodi laheneb.
Aga me ei taha oma valu sisse minna, eriti kui ma ei tea, mida need asjad kõik tähendavad. Ja see on päris pöörane, ja seleta siis hiljem, et miks sa jälitasid oma intuitsiooni abil üht ...
Et sa käidki maailmas ringi ja teed oma tunde põhjal asju, et teiste inimeste valusid kuidagimoodi või viisi vabastada.
Ma tean, kuidas ajas liikuda. Ma tean, kus need dimensioonilised väravad asuvad. Ja kui nende ette on kuhjatud tohututes kogustes valu ja piina, siis selleks, et me suudaks sealt taaskord läbi astuda, tuleb ka see valu taaskord ära lahendada. Kui ring saab täis. Ma võin öelda, et ära kaitsesime, aga plahvatus ei olnud sugugi nii kaugel.
Oletame, et sa kõnnid mööda teed ja lähed ja lähed, ja siis sa tead, et järgmine kilomeeter on läbi teravate okkaliste põõsaste, kahel pool südame kõrgusel. Mida sa teed?
Ja samas sa ehk aimad, et sinu taga tuleb varsti jooksuga ehk hulk lapsi, või olendeid, kes ei ole neist põõsastest teadlikud. Aga nende okkaliste põõsastega tuleb tegeleda, ja siis sa lähed. Ja oletame et need põõsad hajuvad vaid siis, kui keegi nendest oma palja rinnaga läbi kõnnib ja selle valu lõpuks ometi vastu võtab. Umbes sellist tööd ma vist emotsionaalsel tasandil tegin.
Ma ei taha sellest väga rääkida, aga ma vist siiski pean. Sest omamoodi see puudutab meid kõiki, päris kindlasti kohe, kes selle planeediga hilisematel aegadel kuidagimoodi seotud on olnud. Võib öelda, et see planeet sai väravaks läbi ajastute väga paljudele olenditele, kes olid tagasiteel koju
Oletame, et sa oled kunagi ammu midagi teinud, mis on põhjustanud sulle või kellelegi teisele suurtes kogustes valu. Ja siis ühtäkki toob su teekond sind tagasi selle sama olukorra juurde, ja sa näeksid seda uuesti ja peaksid ütlema: jah, nii see tõepoolest oli. Me tegime paljudele olenditele väga palju haiget.
Ja selleks, et sealt kohast tagasi saada, tagasi koju, pead sa ütlema: jah, kui ma midagi tegin, siis seda ma tõepoolest tegin. Ja võib arvata, et kui sa seda ei suuda (väga lihtne test), siis sa lihtsalt ei pääse nendest väravatest enam tagasi läbi, kust kohast sa sisse tulid. Sest kui sa oled midagi teinud, siis sa ilmselt oled seda teinud. Ja see mõjutab sinu edasist tegevust ja kõike.
Omamoodi ma olen nagu väravahoidja või valvur õigel hetkel õige koha peal. Ma ei tea täpselt küll, mille me kõik ära hoidsime, aga ma väga ei taha teada vist ka. Ei tee selliseid spekulatsioone veel selles suunas, Taavi.
Igal juhul mõned suured ringid sai täis, ja aeg oli taas ka ühisel tasandil aru saada, kes me oleme ja kust me tuleme. Aga valu oli pisut liiga palju ja sellega ma veidi tegelesingi. Hooletusse ja unarusse jäetud valu tekitavad algpõhjused. Lahendasin ja otsisin neid.
Aga oletame näiteks, et sa sisenesid süsteemi agressiivselt või maandumine ei olnud kõige õnnestunum; ja seetõttu läksid väravad pisut lõhki või midagi. Ja osa minu tööst ongi siis nende väravate tagasi harmooniliseks muutmine, dimensioonide vahelised algväravad. Kui need on katki, siis on suur jama, ja sa võid ühtäkki ennast avastada maailmade vahelt, või maailmas, kus asjad on väga suurel määral sulle harjumatud, ja sa võid lihtsal hulluks minna, kuna see oleks sinu hetke seisundile lihtsalt pisut veel hoomamatu.
Ses suhtes ma panin ikka väga hullu ja parandasin pimesi ja tunde järgi katkisi väravaid. Koodid olid suures osas alateadvuses. Jooksin ringi nagu segane ja lahendasin nähtamatuid asju väga väikeste vihjete põhjal; arvasin, midagi võiks kuskil umbes nii olla või teha.
Põhimõtteliselt suur osa meist ei olnud valmis teatud väravatest läbi minema, ja siis oli tükk tegu, et neile lisaaega võimaldada, de-rail v. fast. See, et meie maailmad ja dimensioonid oleksid omavahel harmoonilises suhtes ja et ajad klapiksid ja et kellegi arengut ei häiritaks liiga järsult ja et üleminekud oleksid sujuvad. Selle eest ma hoolitsesin, ja katsusin nii palju teiste tahete ja soovidega arvestada, kui oli võimalik.
Kõige hullem peaks olema enam-vähem möödas ja oleme vist nüüd juba suuremate karide vahelt läbi, pisut rahulikemates vetes. Eks ole näha, aga tunnen ennast palju turvalisemalt kui siis, kui dimensioonid hakkasid tohutute kiirustega vahelduma ja otsad olid katkised ja paljud üritasid kummalistest kohtadest läbi minna ja põhjustasid palju segadust, kaost ja pinget. Ilusat uut algust ja tere tulemast, ma ei tea kuhu te nüüd kõik välja jõudsite, aga see, et autod õnnestus kaasa võtta, on küll vist päris naljakas.
Task: dimensional master;
Sent here from: game master realms.
At your service.
Taavi
Mida üksikumana ma hakkasin ennast tundma, et asjad ... võtsid küllaltki varsti sellise pöörde, et aeg oli sealt lahkuda ja... Ma isegi ei taha, ma ei taha mitte midagi sellest avaldada. Mitte ainumastki detaili. See pole üldse nii tore kusagil ...Võib-olla ma lihtsalt lähengi valupiirkondadesse ja ... kogen selle kõik uuesti läbi ja ...
Ma arvan, et ma tean ja tajun seda emotsionaalset jälge asjadest, mis on kusagil, mingis paigas kaugel minevikus juhtunud. Ja kui juhtumisi see jälg on huvitavalt ...
Teinekord on absurdne, see töö on niivõrd ülivõrdes absurdne, sest need asjad mis juhtusid, olid tehtud väga rumalalt. Ütleme nii, et mingi plahvatus ühes paigas ja õnnetus teises, ja keegi pole hiljem väga nende emotsionaalsete jälgedega tegelenud ... ÕIGEL dimensioonilisel tasemel.
Et võib-olla sa pead minema ja sisenema õigesse maailma ja õigesse hetke läbi valuväravate, et mingeid asju lahendada. Et kui mingid asjad on kuhugi kinni jäänud, või näiteks sa leiad üles suurtes kogustes valu ja selle algpõhjuse ja koged selle uuesti läbi ja ütled sellele kogemusele jah (mida ma tagantjärele veel ehk ei tahagi), siis see asi kuidagi omamoodi laheneb.
Aga me ei taha oma valu sisse minna, eriti kui ma ei tea, mida need asjad kõik tähendavad. Ja see on päris pöörane, ja seleta siis hiljem, et miks sa jälitasid oma intuitsiooni abil üht ...
Et sa käidki maailmas ringi ja teed oma tunde põhjal asju, et teiste inimeste valusid kuidagimoodi või viisi vabastada.
Ma tean, kuidas ajas liikuda. Ma tean, kus need dimensioonilised väravad asuvad. Ja kui nende ette on kuhjatud tohututes kogustes valu ja piina, siis selleks, et me suudaks sealt taaskord läbi astuda, tuleb ka see valu taaskord ära lahendada. Kui ring saab täis. Ma võin öelda, et ära kaitsesime, aga plahvatus ei olnud sugugi nii kaugel.
Oletame, et sa kõnnid mööda teed ja lähed ja lähed, ja siis sa tead, et järgmine kilomeeter on läbi teravate okkaliste põõsaste, kahel pool südame kõrgusel. Mida sa teed?
Ja samas sa ehk aimad, et sinu taga tuleb varsti jooksuga ehk hulk lapsi, või olendeid, kes ei ole neist põõsastest teadlikud. Aga nende okkaliste põõsastega tuleb tegeleda, ja siis sa lähed. Ja oletame et need põõsad hajuvad vaid siis, kui keegi nendest oma palja rinnaga läbi kõnnib ja selle valu lõpuks ometi vastu võtab. Umbes sellist tööd ma vist emotsionaalsel tasandil tegin.
Ma ei taha sellest väga rääkida, aga ma vist siiski pean. Sest omamoodi see puudutab meid kõiki, päris kindlasti kohe, kes selle planeediga hilisematel aegadel kuidagimoodi seotud on olnud. Võib öelda, et see planeet sai väravaks läbi ajastute väga paljudele olenditele, kes olid tagasiteel koju
Oletame, et sa oled kunagi ammu midagi teinud, mis on põhjustanud sulle või kellelegi teisele suurtes kogustes valu. Ja siis ühtäkki toob su teekond sind tagasi selle sama olukorra juurde, ja sa näeksid seda uuesti ja peaksid ütlema: jah, nii see tõepoolest oli. Me tegime paljudele olenditele väga palju haiget.
Ja selleks, et sealt kohast tagasi saada, tagasi koju, pead sa ütlema: jah, kui ma midagi tegin, siis seda ma tõepoolest tegin. Ja võib arvata, et kui sa seda ei suuda (väga lihtne test), siis sa lihtsalt ei pääse nendest väravatest enam tagasi läbi, kust kohast sa sisse tulid. Sest kui sa oled midagi teinud, siis sa ilmselt oled seda teinud. Ja see mõjutab sinu edasist tegevust ja kõike.
Omamoodi ma olen nagu väravahoidja või valvur õigel hetkel õige koha peal. Ma ei tea täpselt küll, mille me kõik ära hoidsime, aga ma väga ei taha teada vist ka. Ei tee selliseid spekulatsioone veel selles suunas, Taavi.
Igal juhul mõned suured ringid sai täis, ja aeg oli taas ka ühisel tasandil aru saada, kes me oleme ja kust me tuleme. Aga valu oli pisut liiga palju ja sellega ma veidi tegelesingi. Hooletusse ja unarusse jäetud valu tekitavad algpõhjused. Lahendasin ja otsisin neid.
Aga oletame näiteks, et sa sisenesid süsteemi agressiivselt või maandumine ei olnud kõige õnnestunum; ja seetõttu läksid väravad pisut lõhki või midagi. Ja osa minu tööst ongi siis nende väravate tagasi harmooniliseks muutmine, dimensioonide vahelised algväravad. Kui need on katki, siis on suur jama, ja sa võid ühtäkki ennast avastada maailmade vahelt, või maailmas, kus asjad on väga suurel määral sulle harjumatud, ja sa võid lihtsal hulluks minna, kuna see oleks sinu hetke seisundile lihtsalt pisut veel hoomamatu.
Ses suhtes ma panin ikka väga hullu ja parandasin pimesi ja tunde järgi katkisi väravaid. Koodid olid suures osas alateadvuses. Jooksin ringi nagu segane ja lahendasin nähtamatuid asju väga väikeste vihjete põhjal; arvasin, midagi võiks kuskil umbes nii olla või teha.
Põhimõtteliselt suur osa meist ei olnud valmis teatud väravatest läbi minema, ja siis oli tükk tegu, et neile lisaaega võimaldada, de-rail v. fast. See, et meie maailmad ja dimensioonid oleksid omavahel harmoonilises suhtes ja et ajad klapiksid ja et kellegi arengut ei häiritaks liiga järsult ja et üleminekud oleksid sujuvad. Selle eest ma hoolitsesin, ja katsusin nii palju teiste tahete ja soovidega arvestada, kui oli võimalik.
Kõige hullem peaks olema enam-vähem möödas ja oleme vist nüüd juba suuremate karide vahelt läbi, pisut rahulikemates vetes. Eks ole näha, aga tunnen ennast palju turvalisemalt kui siis, kui dimensioonid hakkasid tohutute kiirustega vahelduma ja otsad olid katkised ja paljud üritasid kummalistest kohtadest läbi minna ja põhjustasid palju segadust, kaost ja pinget. Ilusat uut algust ja tere tulemast, ma ei tea kuhu te nüüd kõik välja jõudsite, aga see, et autod õnnestus kaasa võtta, on küll vist päris naljakas.
Task: dimensional master;
Sent here from: game master realms.
At your service.
Taavi
esmaspäev, 9. mai 2016
An attempt to make a shamanic writing / report
So the blockage was based on an old un-successful love-story; where the victim (the lover who was devoted but got rejected?) would later hurt himself in great despair. He would maybe leave home and run, feeling disgust towards her ancestors... He would run and run, committing crimes on the way; feeling rejected and forgetting the original crush that he had towards that beautiful girl who later disappeared from his life.
He would maybe still miss that girl and wanting to get back to her (This is when astral collapsed and the realities got separated, normal would be that astral and physical are in harmonic balance. The girl would probably stay at the astral, unable to come back or contact the male who had destroyed their astral home and excluded himself from the rest of the tribe?); frustatringly, almost unwillingly, because of the crimes and vivid damage that the male had maybe produced along his weird journey down the pathway.
So what to do? His run maybe lead him deeper into the forest, where he had to protect him with technology that we had from the remains of our ship? When they crashed, they also hurt a sacred tree and upset beautiful beings in a beautiful lake. Meanwhile, and all the same, they would have high-end sexual frustration in a desert, in the middle of fckn nowhere, so what do they do? They find absolutely anything.
They would maybe run together from their fathers and be ashamed of their mothers, and feeling the heaviness of their past awful deeds of collective misbehaviour (sexual frustration gone wrong, guilt, shame etc). A more poetic version: like ghosts, screaming thru the deserts they might have had proceeded, unwillingly admitting to the listeners their hurricane-like past.
I tend to believe that it was a collective rape, bigger beings taking smaller beings unwillingly. Also their species were NOT the same, so they would not actually know how to behave; it would be way too sharp and unnatural, causing even further disturbance in the feminine (I am talking about this particular plane crash).
So they also start to accuse the feminine of not wanting to have sex with them; but the real thing is that they are frustrated because of the original failure in their love-story. And now they are upsetting wrong beings and attempting to accuse them of rejecting them, but what truly is the case I believe, is that they miss their old unsuccessful love in their teenage years and have been acting on this violence and attempting to meet other partners among other species, who would fit into their image of the perfect teenage lover that had once rejected them.
So, why did you get rejected? Maybe it was her free will. You know, you cannot make somebody to love you, it has to happen a bit more naturally. But yea, it failed and after that many many of us probably fell in love or something, attempting to get back to that original beautiful situation, together with that loving girl in the astral worlds.
Now we miss that and we watch porn instead of doing shaolin and practicing virtue. How to approach the female? We probably got hurt in our guts and then hurt ourselves even more, attempting to escape the situation fast and re-do the blow-up in a controlled way. Our stomachs, our feeling centers hurt, and we need to practice yoga and music to re-feel in a beautiful balance. This is the way, for what I feel. Then the girls might even accept us. It has to do with learning to express our emotions in a gentle way, and be patient and open, and listen to the real female and follow your hearts.
He would maybe still miss that girl and wanting to get back to her (This is when astral collapsed and the realities got separated, normal would be that astral and physical are in harmonic balance. The girl would probably stay at the astral, unable to come back or contact the male who had destroyed their astral home and excluded himself from the rest of the tribe?); frustatringly, almost unwillingly, because of the crimes and vivid damage that the male had maybe produced along his weird journey down the pathway.
So what to do? His run maybe lead him deeper into the forest, where he had to protect him with technology that we had from the remains of our ship? When they crashed, they also hurt a sacred tree and upset beautiful beings in a beautiful lake. Meanwhile, and all the same, they would have high-end sexual frustration in a desert, in the middle of fckn nowhere, so what do they do? They find absolutely anything.
They would maybe run together from their fathers and be ashamed of their mothers, and feeling the heaviness of their past awful deeds of collective misbehaviour (sexual frustration gone wrong, guilt, shame etc). A more poetic version: like ghosts, screaming thru the deserts they might have had proceeded, unwillingly admitting to the listeners their hurricane-like past.
I tend to believe that it was a collective rape, bigger beings taking smaller beings unwillingly. Also their species were NOT the same, so they would not actually know how to behave; it would be way too sharp and unnatural, causing even further disturbance in the feminine (I am talking about this particular plane crash).
So they also start to accuse the feminine of not wanting to have sex with them; but the real thing is that they are frustrated because of the original failure in their love-story. And now they are upsetting wrong beings and attempting to accuse them of rejecting them, but what truly is the case I believe, is that they miss their old unsuccessful love in their teenage years and have been acting on this violence and attempting to meet other partners among other species, who would fit into their image of the perfect teenage lover that had once rejected them.
So, why did you get rejected? Maybe it was her free will. You know, you cannot make somebody to love you, it has to happen a bit more naturally. But yea, it failed and after that many many of us probably fell in love or something, attempting to get back to that original beautiful situation, together with that loving girl in the astral worlds.
Now we miss that and we watch porn instead of doing shaolin and practicing virtue. How to approach the female? We probably got hurt in our guts and then hurt ourselves even more, attempting to escape the situation fast and re-do the blow-up in a controlled way. Our stomachs, our feeling centers hurt, and we need to practice yoga and music to re-feel in a beautiful balance. This is the way, for what I feel. Then the girls might even accept us. It has to do with learning to express our emotions in a gentle way, and be patient and open, and listen to the real female and follow your hearts.
laupäev, 7. mai 2016
Taking good care of Shri Krishna Homestay
I was intending to stay there for at least one month, I did not know what to do any further. I would get 1,000 rupis per month for working there. Some offers were that I would stay there until the hot season begins and everybody moves away or I would go together with the Nepali cook Deepak to Nepal.
However, when I was present at this place, many wonderful things happened. It was an international place and we hosted people from all over the world. There was again a Canadian couple, a guy with a motorcycle, travelling all across India together with his wife. Then there was a really kind older woman from US, who had been working like 14 years or something as a nurse in a hospital. The international community was forming, and back then I did not feel the deep pain yet, I was too busy fulfilling my duty and enjoying life and making campfires with Deepak and hosting the event and talking to the locals.
What do I mean by hosting the event? One day, when I had been there already like two weeks or so, a small group moved in to that guesthouse, ~4-5 people with the core being 3 persons. I think that some of them were from Israel, one woman from Italy and some from Germany for sure. They said that they are about to host an international impro-dancing festival in Pushkar, and that they would like it to organise it from our guesthouse and asked if it was possible.
So they were impro-dancers. Soon there was like 20 of them making gathering at our guesthouse and sitting in circles on the grass sometimes for council. They used our kitchen and Deepak was really busy cooking two days or more, when they wanted to eat and council at our place. And of course I washed the dishes, it was a lot of work and days full of sunshine, and I felt that the water was going directly to the lake and so it was a lot of good karma and effective cleansing of the lake as well.
They were awesome people, like hippies, but also skillful in yoga and impro-dancing. There was an older buddhist-looking woman who had practiced a lot of mindfulness and who showed some really impressive dance-moves; and there was a yogi from US or Europe who made a handstand and tried to teach Deepak this as well.
There were two really beautiful German girls, and an Israeli girl and I made good friends with them but it was sometimes very hard to approach them, especially when my co-workers and my boss spent basically all of their time to get their attention when they were around. They forgot all of their work and simply tried to impress the girls. I could not even get near these girls for some talk, because there were already three hindi guys competing with each other around them.
But one evening when I was washing the dishes I managed to get a talk with one of the German girls, and I managed to tell her some of my adventures (this happened in Pushkar, India) and I told this girl a little bit about my past, poker and piano in Vienna. She was from Bonn and I told her that I had been in Bonn last summer and my bicycle travels in the forests. She told me about a being who used to lure seamen near river Rhine with her singing so that their ship would crash when they tried to approach her.
It was a truly beautiful moment but of course we could not share our stories for long, and I also took her story as a sign that this is not the right girl to approach too much, it was like a warning in a very beautiful way.
I was very happy that I could integrate Deepak to the international community. His English was not very good but he was such an awesome guy, and at those areas they were not used to speak to European girls too much. But we managed to do it really well, and we became friends and all and he could just freely speak to the Europeans, without trying to only clumsily approach them! I worked and worked and many stereotypical patterns fell.
The communication got better and the impro-dancers or whoever they were could also sometimes use our kitchen now, not only take orders and make Deepak to cook for them. The beautiful girls also sometimes helped us in the kitchen, wish the dishes or with chai. It was integrating and integrating and it was so beautiful! I really felt that I was doing my best work at the right place. I was so thankful and felt so necessary in a way, as if I had found my true job and the international community was forming around me, as I went on by creating the harmonious field, helping others with emotions and communication between people from different areas and cultural backgrounds of the world.
It was really a merry gathering, I think it lasted for two weeks or something, and I was not expecting it, and later when such thing happened again to me, I became to realize that maybe I am drawing the energies in by creating a harmonious safe-space just with my very presence. I think that yogis tend to have this quality, but I seem to have it very strongly, it seems that wherever I go, international communities start to form around me. This is one of my missions and I am also here to bring in the ships.
However, when I was present at this place, many wonderful things happened. It was an international place and we hosted people from all over the world. There was again a Canadian couple, a guy with a motorcycle, travelling all across India together with his wife. Then there was a really kind older woman from US, who had been working like 14 years or something as a nurse in a hospital. The international community was forming, and back then I did not feel the deep pain yet, I was too busy fulfilling my duty and enjoying life and making campfires with Deepak and hosting the event and talking to the locals.
What do I mean by hosting the event? One day, when I had been there already like two weeks or so, a small group moved in to that guesthouse, ~4-5 people with the core being 3 persons. I think that some of them were from Israel, one woman from Italy and some from Germany for sure. They said that they are about to host an international impro-dancing festival in Pushkar, and that they would like it to organise it from our guesthouse and asked if it was possible.
So they were impro-dancers. Soon there was like 20 of them making gathering at our guesthouse and sitting in circles on the grass sometimes for council. They used our kitchen and Deepak was really busy cooking two days or more, when they wanted to eat and council at our place. And of course I washed the dishes, it was a lot of work and days full of sunshine, and I felt that the water was going directly to the lake and so it was a lot of good karma and effective cleansing of the lake as well.
They were awesome people, like hippies, but also skillful in yoga and impro-dancing. There was an older buddhist-looking woman who had practiced a lot of mindfulness and who showed some really impressive dance-moves; and there was a yogi from US or Europe who made a handstand and tried to teach Deepak this as well.
There were two really beautiful German girls, and an Israeli girl and I made good friends with them but it was sometimes very hard to approach them, especially when my co-workers and my boss spent basically all of their time to get their attention when they were around. They forgot all of their work and simply tried to impress the girls. I could not even get near these girls for some talk, because there were already three hindi guys competing with each other around them.
But one evening when I was washing the dishes I managed to get a talk with one of the German girls, and I managed to tell her some of my adventures (this happened in Pushkar, India) and I told this girl a little bit about my past, poker and piano in Vienna. She was from Bonn and I told her that I had been in Bonn last summer and my bicycle travels in the forests. She told me about a being who used to lure seamen near river Rhine with her singing so that their ship would crash when they tried to approach her.
It was a truly beautiful moment but of course we could not share our stories for long, and I also took her story as a sign that this is not the right girl to approach too much, it was like a warning in a very beautiful way.
I was very happy that I could integrate Deepak to the international community. His English was not very good but he was such an awesome guy, and at those areas they were not used to speak to European girls too much. But we managed to do it really well, and we became friends and all and he could just freely speak to the Europeans, without trying to only clumsily approach them! I worked and worked and many stereotypical patterns fell.
The communication got better and the impro-dancers or whoever they were could also sometimes use our kitchen now, not only take orders and make Deepak to cook for them. The beautiful girls also sometimes helped us in the kitchen, wish the dishes or with chai. It was integrating and integrating and it was so beautiful! I really felt that I was doing my best work at the right place. I was so thankful and felt so necessary in a way, as if I had found my true job and the international community was forming around me, as I went on by creating the harmonious field, helping others with emotions and communication between people from different areas and cultural backgrounds of the world.
It was really a merry gathering, I think it lasted for two weeks or something, and I was not expecting it, and later when such thing happened again to me, I became to realize that maybe I am drawing the energies in by creating a harmonious safe-space just with my very presence. I think that yogis tend to have this quality, but I seem to have it very strongly, it seems that wherever I go, international communities start to form around me. This is one of my missions and I am also here to bring in the ships.
kolmapäev, 4. mai 2016
Explaining the cycles
This is my understanding, what I got so far. It might be a bit naive. Some basics are from Drunvalo's book called "The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life". I will try to explain this as simply as possible.
The Earth goes round the center of our Galaxy about every 26,000 years, 13,000 years going away and away from the Galaxy center and then starting to turn back. We were just at the farthest point. Last 13,000 years our planet Earth has been travelling away from the Galaxy center. It is a natural process, such as the Earth going around our dear Sun.
So when the 13,000-year cycle is about to end (which happened last Summer-October), we need to recommunicate with the Galaxy center. It is a natural alignment, so that our progress in the Galactic Night of 13,000 years would not be lost, and we would safely return our process back home.
But what happened this time, was that we would not come together as one planet in unity to do this at the necessary time, and there was a lot of chaos.
I will try to give you an example. Let's say an airplane is going to land; but when the people at the station call the airplane, all they got for answers about the situation of the plane is few knocks. And that's it. And with this intel, how does the station know, where the plane is, or how to recieve it?
In the same way, our planet needed to realign with the Galactic center. But the population was mostly just damaging itself (I am sorry, but this it how it seemed to me) and not capable of responding too much on a galactic level. But how can the plane land, when it does not communicate with the station?
Also there was another thing going on at the same time. Our planet was about to rise to the next level of existance, to the Heart chakra, on the 4th level. So far we were a bit unable to get healthy attitude to our feeling center, and each time we attempted to get contact with our heartfulness, we had to deal with the pain first. But (again my opinion), nobody wanted to do this, nobody was willing to face their pain and integrate it fast enough.
It also needed to be done on a collective level, because the 4th level or Heart chakra or divine Heart center also requires a sense of unity, that is, we also need to decide collectively who we are as a planet. But also, there was pretty much nobody talking for the whole planet and population. But it was required.
Then we also needed to decide what are we going to do as an Universe, which is about to enter from 3rd level to 4th. This means, who are we as an Universe? In fact we are an old game, but it got a bit disrupted and (oversimplifying: ) pretty much everybody forgot about it and got stuck in evil working patterns. But to decide who we are as a Game, we also need to behave a bit more game-like for them to accept us.
Also, when you enter from 3rd level to 4th (which is huge, many many people on the 3rd level wanted and needed to do this transition), you need to face ALL of your progress on the 3rd level. It is a very natural thing. Think about it as a video-game for example, when you get a level-up, all of your progress so far integrates (like bzzt!! I had this experience and I completed the level, but a bit later about this) and you get your high-scores an bonuses depending on how you performed on the previous level.
But the game was a bit broken and people were even unaware that they are players in an ancient game. But now several "questions" were asked (a very natural thing when re-approaching the center or coming back from a journey), such as: Who are you as a group? What is the name of your Game? What is your progress so far? What is the purpose of your planet? Please, could you tell us about your experience so that we can know what would be the best area for you to continue.
But we gave very little answers because we were busy doing our everyday life, arguing with each other and smiling and driving around with cars. So the game was pretty much stuck at some point. Many of us were only operating on chakras 1-7, but the questions were asked on chakras 8-12. Intense questions. We needed to prove that we are even worth to continue as a Game or as an Universe.
So on from Pushkar, I took a little bit care of this. Having reached Shri Krishna Homestay and committing-fulfilling some karma on the 8th chakra, from now on I had to really get into the integration of Atlantis energies (big nuclear blow-ups and collective damage + manipulation from above, also a lot of boredom in the game which needed to be played, to prove that the game is still working).
This is what I did and it is a big story. Basically I was alone a lot and facing aggressive energies very often, also integrating lot of tough emotional energies. When I did not know how to do this, I needed to play and find out, and when there was no hope, I had to find it from within. These were the standards I felt. And as always, I think that there are higher forces also taking part of all this and sometimes guiding (or testing), so it was not like I was completely out of touch, just not too much human interaction on the 8-12 chakra.
A lonely journey, but well worth it. When the cycle is about to end, you can reclaim a lot and when you are at the right time in right places, you can do A LOT of positive karma and highscore. But you need some courage and skills and high faith to move in these broken areas of the game, integrating them as you play.
Basically now is the Year 0. We are just about to move back home on a very big level. Holla! Pack your emotional values and virtues and consider yourself to be charismatic warriors, because I don't truly know what lies ahead and what is prepared for us as we are about to enter the true field of Games.
The Earth goes round the center of our Galaxy about every 26,000 years, 13,000 years going away and away from the Galaxy center and then starting to turn back. We were just at the farthest point. Last 13,000 years our planet Earth has been travelling away from the Galaxy center. It is a natural process, such as the Earth going around our dear Sun.
So when the 13,000-year cycle is about to end (which happened last Summer-October), we need to recommunicate with the Galaxy center. It is a natural alignment, so that our progress in the Galactic Night of 13,000 years would not be lost, and we would safely return our process back home.
But what happened this time, was that we would not come together as one planet in unity to do this at the necessary time, and there was a lot of chaos.
I will try to give you an example. Let's say an airplane is going to land; but when the people at the station call the airplane, all they got for answers about the situation of the plane is few knocks. And that's it. And with this intel, how does the station know, where the plane is, or how to recieve it?
In the same way, our planet needed to realign with the Galactic center. But the population was mostly just damaging itself (I am sorry, but this it how it seemed to me) and not capable of responding too much on a galactic level. But how can the plane land, when it does not communicate with the station?
Also there was another thing going on at the same time. Our planet was about to rise to the next level of existance, to the Heart chakra, on the 4th level. So far we were a bit unable to get healthy attitude to our feeling center, and each time we attempted to get contact with our heartfulness, we had to deal with the pain first. But (again my opinion), nobody wanted to do this, nobody was willing to face their pain and integrate it fast enough.
It also needed to be done on a collective level, because the 4th level or Heart chakra or divine Heart center also requires a sense of unity, that is, we also need to decide collectively who we are as a planet. But also, there was pretty much nobody talking for the whole planet and population. But it was required.
Then we also needed to decide what are we going to do as an Universe, which is about to enter from 3rd level to 4th. This means, who are we as an Universe? In fact we are an old game, but it got a bit disrupted and (oversimplifying: ) pretty much everybody forgot about it and got stuck in evil working patterns. But to decide who we are as a Game, we also need to behave a bit more game-like for them to accept us.
Also, when you enter from 3rd level to 4th (which is huge, many many people on the 3rd level wanted and needed to do this transition), you need to face ALL of your progress on the 3rd level. It is a very natural thing. Think about it as a video-game for example, when you get a level-up, all of your progress so far integrates (like bzzt!! I had this experience and I completed the level, but a bit later about this) and you get your high-scores an bonuses depending on how you performed on the previous level.
But the game was a bit broken and people were even unaware that they are players in an ancient game. But now several "questions" were asked (a very natural thing when re-approaching the center or coming back from a journey), such as: Who are you as a group? What is the name of your Game? What is your progress so far? What is the purpose of your planet? Please, could you tell us about your experience so that we can know what would be the best area for you to continue.
But we gave very little answers because we were busy doing our everyday life, arguing with each other and smiling and driving around with cars. So the game was pretty much stuck at some point. Many of us were only operating on chakras 1-7, but the questions were asked on chakras 8-12. Intense questions. We needed to prove that we are even worth to continue as a Game or as an Universe.
So on from Pushkar, I took a little bit care of this. Having reached Shri Krishna Homestay and committing-fulfilling some karma on the 8th chakra, from now on I had to really get into the integration of Atlantis energies (big nuclear blow-ups and collective damage + manipulation from above, also a lot of boredom in the game which needed to be played, to prove that the game is still working).
This is what I did and it is a big story. Basically I was alone a lot and facing aggressive energies very often, also integrating lot of tough emotional energies. When I did not know how to do this, I needed to play and find out, and when there was no hope, I had to find it from within. These were the standards I felt. And as always, I think that there are higher forces also taking part of all this and sometimes guiding (or testing), so it was not like I was completely out of touch, just not too much human interaction on the 8-12 chakra.
A lonely journey, but well worth it. When the cycle is about to end, you can reclaim a lot and when you are at the right time in right places, you can do A LOT of positive karma and highscore. But you need some courage and skills and high faith to move in these broken areas of the game, integrating them as you play.
Basically now is the Year 0. We are just about to move back home on a very big level. Holla! Pack your emotional values and virtues and consider yourself to be charismatic warriors, because I don't truly know what lies ahead and what is prepared for us as we are about to enter the true field of Games.
Going to Shri Krishna Homestay and facing a sudden importance
So I meet this guy on the street and immediately start to make the contract with him; he was interested in me working at their place and I was in a need to move from Aravali guesthouse, where it was getting very hot and people screaming and all.
We managed to do it pretty quickly, I simply tell my boss that I quit and go with this guy. He says that their guesthouse is outside of town and so we walk there soon; no, wait! first I meet their boss and talk with him and get permit and he also says that it is ok and they need a guy to help their cook.
When we arrive to Shri Krishna Homestay it is truly beautiful. It is a small peaceful guesthouse next to a mountain, surrounded by some gardens alongside with empty sand fields and they even have their own small garden! It was like a miracle, one of the best places to stay at!
Deepak (the Nepali cook) was in the garden and watering the flowers with a garden hose; and we start to talk and he tells me about their place and what I need to do there. It was so beautiful, I could go barefoot (barefoot!!) in the garden on the grass and rest rest rest; grounding the heck out of the Pushkar energies.
I often lie down in the garden and sunbathe and drink lot of water. My other tasks would be to do some brushing in the morning on the stairs and of course to wash the dishes! I truly loved this new place and Deepak was one of the best companions, even though sometimes we argue when I got too lazy and he was trying to impress the boss a lot. For example, pretty soon, quite at the very beginning when I got there he was cutting the grass in the garden with small scissors. I told him it was a bit crazy but he told me that, no! boss likes it.
Things like this, it was very fun and kept life going.
However, now, when looking back to it, what I remember the most is a strong sense of not belonging in the end... I am about to approach the loneliest part of this journey (what happened after Pushkar) and I cannot truly express it without facing the pain again. Shri Krishna was fun to a certain point but then again... it was not the most... satisfying? deep down I was still missing everything. And as the restlessness was growing, I could no more just ? stay there..
I am about to describe the merry meetings and joyful actions that happened at that place, but something, a pain in the heart tells me that no, this is not the most important, Taavi, you were missing something.
But then again I do not dare to ...
What I have written before, the last posts, tests and all... to me it's not that hard to express.. but the depths of the heart and what's about to happen next.. I cannot get past it. Yet I did it. I have already done all of this and still I cannot go there again with my heart, yet I need to describe what is truly important to me.
I miss it all and who cares; ...
And yet it is still not the most ... of what happened; it is merely a ...
Maybe I am gaining courage but
It is so stupid. I have already done this and now I cannot even tell it. I remember the summer 2014 when coming back from India, my mother told me: "You're so sad and depressed. Why? What is it? Did something happen in India? Did anyone hurt you there?" But I never tell them anything. And I remain sad and cannot even cut the grass in my mother's garden because I was so tired.
And I still cannot tell anything.
It is very real but I can not tell you this...
ramble inbetween for inner clarifications:
///
Unless, I would somehow find a way.. The world is not the same.
Think about it.. distracted blockag on every level since the last 13k+ year something, nobody remembers anything or denies; all supposed to have not survived, the emotional facing a drastic collapse, and I am not telling about only a personal... What you call dimensions; time and space and fields were heavily distorted and there was no way this set of worlds would find their way. I have been walking on the edges ever since... light codes from Lui van B to dance in the dark; unite them, unite your past lives as fast as you can, Taavi, the 8th chakra is about to open... this is so stupid. We all need to make it; it was so freaking close.
///
And this is no..
And it turned out to be and go even more intense, she knows a bit about it, but neither of us see the whole meaning yet, this is what I believe, because the light codes were meant to dance in the dark.
//
You need to make it, the whole world needs to make it: survivally, sexually, emotionally.... AND you need to face the 11th:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
SHSHHSHS I don't know but the oversoul dances but it was so very real.
///
So let's go, where's the entrance, oh the entrance is on the 11th, that's the way to go to the 4th; but wait; nobody has 11th open, so what shall we do???
I bow down to the world and the heart knows the way but a child should NOT do this yet somehow it turned out that I was capable of this.
//
What I have told you so far, I feel it is not very much, it is pretty much absolutely nothing compared to the things that I am about to re-face and integrate within; but you are a very special beautiful life.. God knows but the part of the greater game is always also up to individual courage and willpower and dedication, He cannot do it if you don't want to; sometimes I feel that it was not ? worth but then again when I was doing it I was not "thinking about it" rather going into the heart and loving as hard as I could.
//
I have told you pretty much nothing... and the life goes on. Yet when a person holds a certain knowledge, he or she also needs to find a way to reveal it. Especially if it is important. I don't want to be stuck anywhere or in the past, yet the timelines need to be clarified and revealed and wtf, a nice bomb indeed but the child was faster and for every evil deed in the dark there's also a counterpart, a loving deed, being done unnoticably, with great creativity, caution and putting your being there fully, facing, what cannot be faced, yourself, but I could not be THAT, I could not do THAT but then there's even no time to think about it.
When coming back from India in 2014 I was like: I'm gonna take a rest for the next 7 months or something. But oh boy, it was just about to get started. And now I cannot even tell you the story what happened in India. But I will do my best attempting it and when these kind of emotional clarifying rambles show up, it is only a part of it and I need to also practice being truly, writing how I feel like.
We managed to do it pretty quickly, I simply tell my boss that I quit and go with this guy. He says that their guesthouse is outside of town and so we walk there soon; no, wait! first I meet their boss and talk with him and get permit and he also says that it is ok and they need a guy to help their cook.
When we arrive to Shri Krishna Homestay it is truly beautiful. It is a small peaceful guesthouse next to a mountain, surrounded by some gardens alongside with empty sand fields and they even have their own small garden! It was like a miracle, one of the best places to stay at!
Deepak (the Nepali cook) was in the garden and watering the flowers with a garden hose; and we start to talk and he tells me about their place and what I need to do there. It was so beautiful, I could go barefoot (barefoot!!) in the garden on the grass and rest rest rest; grounding the heck out of the Pushkar energies.
I often lie down in the garden and sunbathe and drink lot of water. My other tasks would be to do some brushing in the morning on the stairs and of course to wash the dishes! I truly loved this new place and Deepak was one of the best companions, even though sometimes we argue when I got too lazy and he was trying to impress the boss a lot. For example, pretty soon, quite at the very beginning when I got there he was cutting the grass in the garden with small scissors. I told him it was a bit crazy but he told me that, no! boss likes it.
Things like this, it was very fun and kept life going.
However, now, when looking back to it, what I remember the most is a strong sense of not belonging in the end... I am about to approach the loneliest part of this journey (what happened after Pushkar) and I cannot truly express it without facing the pain again. Shri Krishna was fun to a certain point but then again... it was not the most... satisfying? deep down I was still missing everything. And as the restlessness was growing, I could no more just ? stay there..
I am about to describe the merry meetings and joyful actions that happened at that place, but something, a pain in the heart tells me that no, this is not the most important, Taavi, you were missing something.
But then again I do not dare to ...
What I have written before, the last posts, tests and all... to me it's not that hard to express.. but the depths of the heart and what's about to happen next.. I cannot get past it. Yet I did it. I have already done all of this and still I cannot go there again with my heart, yet I need to describe what is truly important to me.
I miss it all and who cares; ...
And yet it is still not the most ... of what happened; it is merely a ...
Maybe I am gaining courage but
It is so stupid. I have already done this and now I cannot even tell it. I remember the summer 2014 when coming back from India, my mother told me: "You're so sad and depressed. Why? What is it? Did something happen in India? Did anyone hurt you there?" But I never tell them anything. And I remain sad and cannot even cut the grass in my mother's garden because I was so tired.
And I still cannot tell anything.
It is very real but I can not tell you this...
ramble inbetween for inner clarifications:
///
Unless, I would somehow find a way.. The world is not the same.
Think about it.. distracted blockag on every level since the last 13k+ year something, nobody remembers anything or denies; all supposed to have not survived, the emotional facing a drastic collapse, and I am not telling about only a personal... What you call dimensions; time and space and fields were heavily distorted and there was no way this set of worlds would find their way. I have been walking on the edges ever since... light codes from Lui van B to dance in the dark; unite them, unite your past lives as fast as you can, Taavi, the 8th chakra is about to open... this is so stupid. We all need to make it; it was so freaking close.
///
And this is no..
And it turned out to be and go even more intense, she knows a bit about it, but neither of us see the whole meaning yet, this is what I believe, because the light codes were meant to dance in the dark.
//
You need to make it, the whole world needs to make it: survivally, sexually, emotionally.... AND you need to face the 11th:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
SHSHHSHS I don't know but the oversoul dances but it was so very real.
///
So let's go, where's the entrance, oh the entrance is on the 11th, that's the way to go to the 4th; but wait; nobody has 11th open, so what shall we do???
I bow down to the world and the heart knows the way but a child should NOT do this yet somehow it turned out that I was capable of this.
//
What I have told you so far, I feel it is not very much, it is pretty much absolutely nothing compared to the things that I am about to re-face and integrate within; but you are a very special beautiful life.. God knows but the part of the greater game is always also up to individual courage and willpower and dedication, He cannot do it if you don't want to; sometimes I feel that it was not ? worth but then again when I was doing it I was not "thinking about it" rather going into the heart and loving as hard as I could.
//
I have told you pretty much nothing... and the life goes on. Yet when a person holds a certain knowledge, he or she also needs to find a way to reveal it. Especially if it is important. I don't want to be stuck anywhere or in the past, yet the timelines need to be clarified and revealed and wtf, a nice bomb indeed but the child was faster and for every evil deed in the dark there's also a counterpart, a loving deed, being done unnoticably, with great creativity, caution and putting your being there fully, facing, what cannot be faced, yourself, but I could not be THAT, I could not do THAT but then there's even no time to think about it.
When coming back from India in 2014 I was like: I'm gonna take a rest for the next 7 months or something. But oh boy, it was just about to get started. And now I cannot even tell you the story what happened in India. But I will do my best attempting it and when these kind of emotional clarifying rambles show up, it is only a part of it and I need to also practice being truly, writing how I feel like.
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