The system of the priests at Lake Pushkar // Preestrite süsteem Pushkari järve ääres

There was an interesting habit of the local priests near the lake Pushkar. They had set up a big system there. There were many different ouposts, for example a single priest standing on a street corner. Whenever someone new without a bracelet walks by, the priest approaches the newcomer and starts to talk.

Priest: "Hey, you, why don't you have a Pushkar bracelet on?"
You: "Eh?"
Priest: "Everybody that arrives to Pushkar needs a bracelet."
You: "Ok.."
Priest: "Come with me, and take this flower."
You: "Ok.."
Priest: "We will go to the lake and make puja (ceremony) there."
You: "Ok, erm.. I don't know..."
Priest: "Come, it's a must. Everybody who arrives to Pushkar needs this."
You: "Ok, we can go, whatever. (Thinking to yourself: Ok let's see where this all leads.)"

So the priest takes you to the lake and they have all this system nicely prepared. You take off your shoes and follow the priest down the stairs to the lake. Now this is a very sacred area.

First time I went with a priest I only had like 30 rupis but at least I had some money. So he took me to the lake and started his puja.

Priest: "Repeat what I say."
Me: "Ok..."
Priest:re "Om namashivaya ... etc."
Me: "Om namashivaya .... (with a loud and devoted voice)"
Priest: "We will now pray for all your relatives. And what is the name of your girlfriend?"
Me: "Ok. (This remains a bit secret at this point, I gave him a Finnish girl name that I had last met.)"

So he made puja ceremony and prayed for all my relatives and put some coconut and flower into the water, I don't remember exactly. In the end he of course asks for some money.

Priest: "Now give me some money, how much do you think this was worth?"
Me: "Ok I only have 30 rupis I will give you all this."
Priest: "Are you kidding me? I prayed for all of your relatives, your uncle, your aunt, etc, this costs at least 600-1500 rupis."
Me: "Ok but I only have 30 rupis."
Priest: "At least 600, cmon."
Me: "I gave you all money that I had."

So the situation calmed down and he accepted but was a bit unhappy. He puts a bracelet on my hand.

Later I went to the hotel or somewhere and of course took the bracelet off. So the next day or two days after I happen to walk around the lake once again, this time without any money at all!

Again I meet a priest.

Priest: "Why don't you have a bracelet on?"
Me: "I took it off."
Priest: "Aha! Don't do that! Why do you do that? Now, let's go to the lake and make puja!"
Me: "Ok, wow... (Really interested what could happen..)"

So I follow a priest once again and he leads me to the lake. The procedure is the same as before, but this time in the end it gets a bit funny.

Priest: "Ok, the ceremony is finished. How much do you think it was worth?"
Me: "I don't know, but I don't have any money at all."
Priest: "No, no, you don't understand. How much do you want to give? 1500? 2000? 600?"
Me: "Sorry, but I don't have any money."
Priest: "No, no, you don't understand. You need to pay."
Me: "But I don't have any money."
Priest: "No, no. Let's go to your hotel, you take your money and come back here and pay."
Me with a loud voice: "I swear to you, I don't have any money at all in the world that I could call my own!"
Priest: "You need to pay. Cmon. At least 500? How much do you have?"
Me: "You don't seem to understand or listen. I don't have any money."
Priest: "Cmon."

So this goes on for like 10-15 minutes, and the suddenly he quits!!! He just stops asking for money and simply goes away!!! I stand up, walk up the stairs, rip off the bracelet, and make my own spiritual dance move, feeling really free and ecstatic!! Whoa!!

Then I walk back to the hotel and behave all nice and everything but no bracelet. Next time I go to the lake and a priest stops me and asks me if I have done the puja, I say to him "Yes! Twice!" and then they laugh and leave me alone.

This was a really big thing for me. The lake is actually a very sacred place.

//

Kohalikel preestritel oli Pushkari järve ääres huvitav harjumus. Nimelt olid nad üles seadnud terve turistide püüdmise süsteemi. Neil oli palju eelposte, näiteks tänavanurgal seisev üksik preester. Kui keegi uus ilma käevõruta juhtus tast mööda minema, läks preester kohe uustulnuka juurde ja hakkas rääkima.

Preester: "Hei, sina, miks sul Pushkari käevõru ei ole?"
Sina: "Mida?"
Preester: "Kõik kes Pushkarisse tulevad, peavad selle käevõru saama."
Sina: "Okei.."
Preester: "Tule minuga, ja võta see lilleõis."
Sina: "Okei..."
Preester: "Me lähme nüüd sinuga sinna järve äärde ja teeme seal pujat (tseremooniat)."
Sina: "Okei, ma nüüd ei tea..."
Preester: "Tule, seda peab tegema. Kõik kes Pushkarisse tulevad, see on kohustuslik."
Sina: "Ok, no vahet ei ole, lähme siis... (Endamisi mõeldes: Eks ole näha kuhu see kõik viib.)"

Nii et siis see preester viib su järve äärde ja neil on terve süsteem juba ilusti ette valmistatud. Üleval võtad oma kingad jalast ära ja järgned preestrile alla järve äärde. See on väga püha koht.

Esimest korda kui ma preestriga kaasa läksin, oli mul ainult 30 ruupiat aga vähemalt mul oli raha. Nii et ta viis mu järve äärde ja alustas oma pujat.

Preester: "Korda, mis ma ütlen."
Mina: "Okei..."
Preester: "Om namashivaya ... jne."
Mina: "Om namashivaya ... (väga pühendunud ja valjul häälel)"
Preester: "Me palvetame nüüd su sugulaste eest. Ja mis su tüdruksõbra nimi on?"
Mina: "Ok. (Sel hetkel jääb see pisut saladuseks, ma andsin talle ühe Soome tüdruku nime, keda ma olin viimati kohanud.")

Siis ta tegi puja tseremooniat ja palvetas mu sugulaste eest ja pani kookospähklikoore ja lilleõie vette, ma täpselt ei mäleta. Lõpus ta muidugi küsis raha.

Preester: "Anna mulle nüüd raha, kui palju sa arvad et see puja väärt oli?"
Mina: "Olgu aga mul on ainult 30 ruupiat."
Preester: "Sa teed nalja vä? Ma palvetasin kõikide su sugulaste, onu tädi ja kõigi eest, see maksab vähemalt 600 kuni 1500 ruupiat."
Mina: "Okei aga mul on ainult 30 ruupiat."
Preester: "Kamoon, vähemalt 600!"
Mina: "Ma andsin sulle juba kogu raha, mis mul oli."

Olukord rahunes maha aga ta oli endiselt veidi õnnetu. Ta pani käevõru ümber mu käe.

Hiljem ma läksin tagasi hotelli või kuhugi ja võtsin loomulikult selle käevõru maha.  Nii et päeva või paari pärast, kui ma uuesti juhtusin järve juures jalutama, ei olnud mul üldse raha!

Ma kohtan jälle ühte preestrit.

Preester: "Miks sul käevõru ei ole?"
Mina: "Ma võtsin selle maha."
Preester: "Ahaa! Seda ei tohi teha!! Miks sa seda tegid?? Nii, nüüd läheme järve äärde tagasi ja teeme pujat!"
Mina: "Okei, päris hea... (Väga huvitatud, mis edasi võib juhtuda, kui mul raha ei ole..)"

Nii et ma järgnen taaskord ühele preestrile ja ta viib mu järve äärde. Protseduur on sama nagu ennegi, aga seekord läheb lõpus pisut naljakaks.

Preester: "Okei, tseremoonia on lõppenud. Kui palju sa arvad, et see väärt oli?"
Mina: "Ma ei tea, aga mul pole üldse raha."
Preester: "Oot, oot, ei, sa ei saa aru. Kui palju sa tahad mulle anda? 1500? 2000? 600?"
Mina: "Vabandust, aga mul pole üldse raha."
Preester: "Ei-ei, sa ei saa aru. Sul on vaja maksta."
Mina: "Aga mul pole üldse raha."
Preester: "Ei-ei. Lähme su hotelli, sa võtad sealt oma raha, tuled siia tagasi ja maksad."
Mina väga valjul häälel: "Ma vannun sulle, terves maailmas pole praegu ühtegi raha, mida ma võiksin enda omaks tunnistada!"
Preester: "Aga sa pead maksma. Kamoon. Vähemalt 500. Kui palju sul on?"
Mina: "Sa vist väga ei kuula mind ja tundub, et sa ei saa aru. Mul ei ole raha."
Preester: "Kamoon."

Selline vaidlus jätkus umbes 10-15 minutit, ja ühel hetkel ta jättis lihtsalt järgi!! Ta lihtsalt lõpetas raha küsimise ja läks ära!!! Ma tõusin püsti, kõndisin trepist üles, rebisin käevõru oma randmelt maha ja tegin paar oma isiklikku tantsuliigutust, tundes ennast tõeliselt vabana, hetkeliselt ekstaasis!! Hou!!

Seejärel ma kõndisin tagasi hotelli ja käitusin jälle ilusti ja puha aga ilma käevõruta. Järgmine kord kui ma järve äärde läksin ja preester mind taaskord peatas ja küsis et kas ma olen juba pujat teinud, ütlesin ma neile alati: "Jah! Kaks korda!" ja siis nad hakkasid naerma ja jätsid mu rahule.

See oli minu jaoks väga suur asi. See järv seal on tõeliselt püha.

Tourist-catching and more in Pushkar // Pushkaris turiste püüdmas

So at Aravali there's sometimes a lot of pressure that I should really get them some tourists - why are there no tourists, Taavi, where should we get the money?? But I cannot really lie to myself and tell Ravi that it is not really in my interest to drag tourists there against their will. So sometimes we argue about this, especially when Ravi is in a desperate need for money and I am in a desperate need for rest.

So many times he sends me out to the town, with the intention that I should go and fetch some tourists for them. But to be honest - and I feel that now I can tell it, even though Ravi will probably read this - I simply wonder around and mostly talk to the locals or sit down and meditate.

The lake is still drawing be back to herself and I cannot help but to thoughtfully daydream and walk back there, it's like my heart and my legs want to go back there by themselves, the memories are still there deep within the body and there's a deep attraction or draw back to that lake.

Many things happened there, but for now I am not yet really capable of perhaps integrating too much of it, but as I get stronger and more confident and all I will go deeper into this, also the causal things and how I break an ancient spell of the priests at the lake.

But I don't know... something inside me tells me that it is not yet the time to reveal this, I have a lot of pain in my heart, especially on the left side, and this would probably be too much integration, more that would be healthy for me to handle. I would rather focus on real-life issues in Tallinn at the moment unless I get some real support in this or I get stronger by myself through yoga.

//

Aravalis on mõnikord palju survet, et ma peaks tõesti minema ja reaalselt neile hakkama turiste püüdma - miks ei ole turiste, Taavi, kust me peaks raha saama?? Aga ma ei saa iseendale valetada ja Ravile öelda et tegelt ei ole minu huvides sinna turiste vastu nende enda tahtmist vedada. Nii et mõnikord me vaidleme selle üle, eriti kui Ravil on raha otsas ja mina olen väga väsinud.

Nii et mitu korda ta saadab mind linna peale, eesmärgiga et ma läheks ja tooks talle turiste. Aga et olla aus - ja ma tunnen et praegu ma saan sellest rääkida, mis siis, et Ravi ilmselt loeb seda varsti - ma peamiselt jalutan lihtsalt linnas ringi ja räägin kohalikega või istun maha ja mediteerin.

Järv tõmbab mind endiselt enda poole ja ma ei saa midagi parata et ma mõnikord unistavalt sinnapoole tagasi kõnnin, tundub et mu süda ja mu jalad tahavad ise sinna tagasi minna, mälestused on endiselt sügaval kehas ja seal on tugev külgetõmme tagasi selle järve juurde.

Seal juhtus palju asju, aga hetkel ma ei ole vist veel piisavalt võimekas neid asju integreerima, aga kui ma saan tugevamaks ja enesekindlamaks siis ma lähen sellesse rohkem sügavuti, samuti põhjuslikud seosed ja kuidas ma murran järve ääres preestrite iidse loitsu.

Aga praegu ma ei tea... midagi minu sees ütleb et ei ole veel õige aeg seda kõike avaldada, minu südames on palju valu, eriti vasakul pool küljel, ja et sellest kõigest rääkida oleks vist liiga palju integratsiooni korraga, rohkem kui oleks mulle tervislik toime tulla. Pigem ma keskenduks vist hetkeseisu-probleemidele Tallinnas, kui ma just ei saa tõelist ja tugevat toetust selle koha pealt või kui ma just ei saa ise läbi jooga tugevamaks.

Meanwhile at Kristiine // Mis vahepeal Kristiines juhtub

This I wrote two or three days ago in the security room at Kristiine while working

So today I was again working at the mall and suddenly there was this lady coming out from the ILU shop and making a silent gesture to me to follow her into the shop.

"There's a thief at the shop," she said. "Come quickly," she continued with a whispering tone. So I followed her into the shop and there was another lady standing there. The shopkeeper woman told me that this lady had again stolen something and that she was an old thief who was well-known to them. She said that they had seen the theft from their own cameras this time.

So I simply stand there next to them and call the security room. Another guy comes down and then another and then they escort her to a room where she is supposed to be searched through. I follow them and they search her bags in that room but find nothing. But they had seen the theft from the local cameras so they remain suspicious and the older guy takes her to the main punishment room or corridor - first to corridor and later to the arrest chamber. That's all I know. Later I hear that she had indeed stolen something because the police arrives and everything. I personally walk through the whole building and back again to hand the police the proper stealing form or protocol.

I hear some new intel about this and it turns out that she had simply removed the security element from a product. I think that I am supposed to get a bonus for helping to catch her. There's a rule here that goes like this: Every time something gets stolen, half of the item's price gets shared among the security guys who caught the thief. Because of this rule there's a lot of false alarms but it's part of the game and it's good to see the old man and everybody getting really enthusiastic and running when there's a possible theft somewhere in the building.

//

Selle ma kirjutasin paar-kolm päeva tagasi turvaruumis, samal ajal kui ma Kristiines töötasin

Nii et täna ma olin jälle kaubamajas ja järsku seal oli üks naine kes tuli ILU kauplusest välja ja tegi sõrmega vaikse märgi et ma talle poodi järgneksin.

"Poes on varas," ütles ta. "Tule kiiresti," sosistas ta vaikselt. Nii et ma läksin tema järel sinna poodi sisse ja seal oli üks teine naine veel kes parasjagu seisis. Poepidaja-naine ütles mulle et see naine oli järjekordselt midagi varastanud ja et ta oli tegelt vana varas kes oli neile hästi teada. Ta ütles et nad olid vargust seekord oma kaameratest näinud.

Nii et ma lihtsalt seisan seal nende kõrval ja kutsun turvaruumi. Järgmine tüüp tuleb alla ja siis veel üks ja nad viivad ta ühte ruumi kus peaks toimuma läbiotsimine. Ma järgnen neile ja nad otsivad ta kotid läbi aga ei leia midagi. Aga nad olid vargust reaalselt oma kaameratest näinud, nii et nad endiselt kahtlustavad ja see vanem tüüp viib ta peamisesse karistusruumi või koridori - esmalt koridori ja hiljem arestikambrisse. See on kõik mis ma tean. Hiljem ma kuulen et ta tõepoolest oli midagi varastanud, sest saabub politsei ja puha. Ma jalutasin isiklikult läbi terve ehitise et viia politseile vajalik vorm varguse kohta (protokolli).

Hiljem ma sain selle kohta rohkem teavet ja tuli välja et ta oli lihtsalt ühelt tootelt turvaelemendi eemaldanud. Ma arvan et ma seaks saama boonust selle eest et ma aitasin teda kinni püüda. Siin on selline reegel, et iga kord kui midagi varastatakse, läheb pool varastatud toote hinnast turvade vahel jagamisele. Sellise reegli pärast on siin palju valehäireid aga see on osa mängust ja mõnikord on täitsa tore näha vana meest ja teisi entusiastlikult ringi jooksmas kui kusagil ehitises on toimunud võimalik vargus.

Smoking some more ganja in Aravali // Suitsetame Aravalis veel kanepit

So we go back to Aravali guesthouse with Ravi and at the beginning it is all party-time. We just enjoy ourselves and the weather on the rooftop and eat a lot and drink some good cold drinks I think (well that's probably what happened). Then we smoke ganja again.

I probably smoked a bit too much of it, second time also that day, first time was next to the mountainside, also with Ravi and company. So this time it all gets very peaceful. I think that from that evening I sleep like 17 hours in a row and the next day again I sleep a lot so the friends become a bit worried that I might not start to work at all for them.

But the long rest was very necessary after my triumphant and intense arrival to Pushkar, remember the cold night next to Ajmer, no, Jaipur, and following the higher self that hard for the first time in this life and all other crazy risk-takings.

So after I recover the're still worried that I don't catch tourists for them. But I do wash the dishes and I find that I can really do something for the guesthouse by watering and washing the plants really enthusiasticall that they have there. So the situation got solved a little bit and I do get more permissions to wander on and help them out.

Sometimes it got intense and we had arguments with Ravi that I really need to go catch the tourists, but I manage to keep a good high-low profile as the situation requires. So no worries.

//

Lähmegi Raviga Aravalisse tagasi ja alguses on pmst aind pidu. Me lihtsalt naudime ilusat ilma katusel ja sööme ja joome külmi jooke (ma ei mäleta aga umbes nii vist oli). Siis me suitsetame veel kanepit.

Ma vist tegin natuke liiga palju seda kanepit, teist korda juba samal päeval, essa kord siis seal mäe kõrval koos Ravi ja teistega. Nii et see kord läheb olukord kohe väga rahulikuks. Ma arvan et too õhtu ma magasin mingi 17 tundi järjest ja järgmine päev ma magasin veel, nii et sõbrad muutusid veits murelikuks et kas ma olen haige ja kas ma ei hakkagi tööle.

Aga pikk puhkus oli vajalik pärast minu võidukat ja pingelist saabumist Pushkarisse, mäletate ehk seda külma ööd Ajmeri ligidal, ei, Jaipuri ligidal, millest ma kirjutasin, ja järgides esimest korda nii pingsalt oma kõrgemat mina ja võttes muidki toredaid riske.

Nii et hiljem kui ma taastun on nad endiselt mures et kas ma ei hakkagi neile turiste püüdma. Aga ma pesen nõusid ja leian oma niši selles, et ma kastan ja pesen hästi entusiastlikult toataimi, mis neil seal hotellis on. Nii et see lahenes veidi ära ja muutus rahulikumaks ja ma saan ka rohkem luba lihtsalt ringi vaadata ja üldist olukorda kuidagi aidata.

Mõnikord oli raskem ja me vaidlesime Raviga et ma ikka tõesti pean kohe minema neid turiste püüdma, aga mul õnnestus sellega ringi mängida ja hoida vaheldumisi madalat-kõrget profiili vastavalt olukorrale. Nii et polnud muret.

About myself and the current status

I am in Tallinn now, living together with my beloved for more than two months. I am recovering from the high-risk and intense actions that took place especially during June-October. I am working as a guardian in a security company in a mall.

The plan is to stabilize, calm down, pay the Lithuanian fine that I got from their embassy, and then buy a laptop and start also with poker again. We are also starting art projects with my beloved, where I will play piano in her gallery.

I am also reconnecting with my friends and family, and I am getting a lot of love, support and healing. I absolutely adore this and I am most grateful to you!

I need to improve my communication a little bit, but I understand that it takes time and it is better to let it flow naturally and simply trust the mother goddess.

Taavi

Back to the guesthouse with Ravi // Koos Raviga tagasi külalistemajja

So where was I? I remember that he talked with a local old man who walked by with or without a goat, I am not sure.

But ah so we went to Aravali guesthouse (his place of work), where he gave me many new clean clothes. We tried different forms of jeans but they were always too tight or short. Finally we found suitable jeans and a nice shirt with me, I think it was a really beautiful deep blue shirt.

Then in the evening  we go back to the Moon Lake guesthouse with a motorcycle that he drives, so that I could tell my previous employers that I have switched my working place. I was all dressed up and everything, so at first even the children did not recognize me and thought that I am a new tourist who enters their guesthouse.

But then I explain to them that I am the same Taavi who was there in the morning, and then they understand and laugh. When I say that I am leaving their guesthouse they simply say "ok". I also go to the kitchen and say to their mother that I am leaving. She also just said "ok" or something like that, I don't remember exactly. I am quite surprised that everything went so smoothly.

Looking back, it has to do with living from the heart. Our hearts are so intelligent, especially when it comes to synchronization, timing and telling difficult things to people who are the most dear to us. In those cases I listen to my heart and simply follow my feelings rather than thoughts. Our hearts are very intelligent and most trustable.

So why are we not willing to go into our hearts? It could maybe be because of, for example, someone's heart could be so full of years of suppressed and unfaced pain and tears that we have not allowed ourselves to cry, so that every time when we want to go and get closer to our heart and listen to it, we have to face that pain.

Or maybe someone is simply not used to express his feelings, and he'd rather run away than meet his true feelings, because the experience that he would first get could be really painful. I used to do ashtanga yoga + Teal Swan's "How to heal the emotional body" combined, allowing myself to go really deep into the feelings. I did this daily practice of my own especially in October-December 2014, this was very intense, passionate, painful and rewarding. I also combined in piano of course, healing past-life wounds. Basically how it looked like, all I did for few months was yoga, research and crying. My apartments was all messed up and I barely found time to eat, I was so devoted to yoga and I wanted to solve all of this emotional pain at once. So in the end I did two ashtanga yoga sessions a day, morning and evening, both 1,5 hours and the rest of the time I cried, watched movies, played the piano and read spiritual literature. In the end my heart told me to stop, because I kept going deeper and deeper into the pains and I was quite unhappy in the end, because I worked too much on my pain and forgot everything else. So my heart told me to stop and since January 2015 I have not practiced ashtanga yoga daily any more, only sometimes very carefully and in smaller amounts, when the time is right for it.

The easier and less painful solution would be to just honestly talk about your feelings to somebody, and your wonderful heart will start to open in a most beautiful and unique way, according to your character. Somehow expressing our true feelings is the key here, this is what I feel, and there are many, many ways to do this.

Anyway, so I walk back to the motorcycle where Ravi is waiting. He asks if everything went ok, I say yes, and off we go, back to Aravali again.

//

Kuhu ma jäingi? Ma mäletan, et ta rääkis ühe kohaliku vanamehega kes mööda kõndis, ma ei mäleta kas kitsega või mitte.

Aga aa jah, siis me läksimegi tagasi Aravali külalistemajja, kus ta andis mulle palju uusi ja puhtaid riideid. Me proovisime erinevaid teksasid aga nad olid alati liiga lühikesed või kitsad. Viimaks me leidsime sobivad teksad ja saime päris ilusa tumesinise särgi.

Siis õhtul me läksime mootorrattaga tagasi Moon Lake'i külalistemajja, et ma saaks neile öelda et ma vahetan oma töökohta. Ma olin ikka ilusasti riides ja puha, nii et esmalt ei tundnud lapsed mind äragi, vaid pidasid mind uueks turistiks, kes järjekordselt saabub nende hotelli.

Aga siis ma seletasin neile ära, et ma olen seesama Taavi, kes oli koos nendega ka hommikul, ja siis nad said aru ja puhkesid naerma. Kui ma ütlesin, et ma lähen nende juurest ära, siis nad lihtsalt olid sellega nõus ja ütlesid "olgu". Ma läksin ka kööki ja ütlesin nende emale et ma lähen nende juurest ära, ja ka ema ütles lihtsalt "olgu" või midagi taolist, ma pole päris kindel. Ma olin küllaltki üllatunud, kui sujuvalt see kõik toimus.

Tagasi vaadates tundub, et see läks sellepärast nii lihtsalt, et ma harjutasin südamest elamist. Meie südamed on väga targad ja intelligentsed, eriti kui asi puudutab sünkronisatsiooni, ajastust, või millegi raske ja keerulise seletasmist oma väga lähedastele inimestele. Sellistel juhtudel olen ma õppinud kuulama oma südant ja lihtsalt järgima oma tundeid, selle asemel et üle mõtlema hakata. Süda on väga tark ja usaldusväärne.

Miks me aga oma südameisse minna ei taha, on võib-olla sellepärast, et näiteks kellegi süda võib olla tulvil aastatepikkust allasurutud valu ja pisaraid, ja iga kord kui ta proovib taaskord oma südamele läheneda ja selle häält kuulata, saab ta sealt vastuseks tohutu valulöögi, ja siis tuleb tal selle valuga silmitsi seista.

Või vahest ehk ei ole ta lihtsalt harjunud oma tundeid väljendama, ja ta pigem põgeneb kui seisab oma tõeliste tunnetega silmitsi, sest saadav kogemus võib olla tohutult valus. Ma ise kasutasin ashtanga joogat + Teal Swan'i "How to heal the emotional body" ja kombineerisin neid omavahel, lubades endal oma tunnetesse tõeliselt sügavale sisse minna. Astraaltasand on kohe käeulatuses. Ma praktiseerisin niiviisi omaleiutatud-kombineeritud meetodite järgi eriti intensiivselt perioodil oktoober-detsember 2014, see oli väga ränk, kirglik, harjumuspärane, distsiplineeritud, tugev, valus ja tohutult rahuldust pakkuv, kui midagi jälle ära lahenes. Loomulikult ma kasutasin ka klaverit, et tervendada haavu eelmistest eludest. Pmst kuidas see välja nägi, kõik mis ma mõne kuu jooksul tegin oli jooga, isiklik teadustöö ja nutmine. Mu korter oli kõik täiesti segamini ja ma vaevu leidsin aega süüa, ma olin niivõrd joogale pühendunud ja tahtsin kõik oma emotsionaalse valu korraga ära lahendada. Nii et lõpus ma tegin kaks ashtanga jooga sessiooni päevas, hommikul ja õhtul 1,5 tundi ja ülejäänud aja ma nutsin, vaatasin filme, mängisin klaverit ja lugesin spirituaalset kirjandust. Mingil hetkel mu süda ütles mulle, et lõpeta ära, sa teed endale liiga palju haiget ja sa ei saa enam üksi kaugemale edasi minna. Liiga valus oli ja ma lihtsalt tegin ennast ise pisut liiga õnnetuks läbi selle, et ma ainult lahendasin päevast päeva oma valusid. Nii et mu süda ütles mulle et stopp ja alates jaanuar 2015 ma pole igapäevaselt enam ashtanga joogat praktiseerinud, ainult mõnikord ja pigem väga ettevaatlikult ja vähestes kogustes, kui aeg on selleks õige.

Lihtsam ja vähem valurikas lahendus oleks lihtsalt kellelegi oma tõelistest tunnetest rääkida, ja su imeline süda hakkab järk-järgult avanema kõige ilusamal ja unikaalsemal viisil, vastavalt just sinu karakterile. Millegipärast on mul tunne, et üks võtmetest siin on oma tõeliste tunnete väljendamine, ja ma arvan, et on väga väga palju erinevaid mooduseid, kuidas seda teha.

Noja siis ma jõudsingi tagasi mootorratta juurde, kus Ravi juba ootas. Ta küsis kas kõik läks hästi, ma ütlesin jah, ja juba me läksime, tagasi Aravali hotelli.

Smoking ganja with Ravi in the mountains // Suitsetame Raviga mägedes kanepit

So we go on with his motorcycle, both really excited and happy about the sudden and lucky developments of the situation. I see that he's inspired that he might get a tall white guy to work with him and I am most grateful to get out of the boredom and hunger of the bus station.

So we drive to the mountains and there's like these tilted sides on both sides on the road and he's like: "I'm gonna show off how to drive on these" and I'm more like: "Well better not yet, maybe not such a good idea" but he's mostly just boasting as most hindus that I met love to do in such a joyous manner that you will always believe them if you're not used to the culture.

So we drive on and we reach a place where he says he usually comes to smoke ganja with his friends. He's also called Ganjam among his friends because of that. I think that's how they called him, he was quite well-known in the region. The place was not very far from the town, just a mountainside few kilometers outside of Pushkar.

So we step off and sit down comfortably on a wallside in the sun and he lights the joint and starts it. We really enjoy our time and he takes out his mobile phone and says: "I'm gonna call some friends to bring us some snacks" and calls to some of his friends who soon arrive with motoscooters and bring us potato chips.

So it is getting better and better and we also start to play cards and he says that he likes to gamble with his friends and when he wins he likes to tell them that he needs to go to the toilet and then he goes away with the money. He describes all of this with such a wide smile and heartwarming laughter, so I cannot help but also laugh at his epic stories about how he doesn't need money but just needs to share everything with his friends and be good to them. Of course the ganja has it's effects as well.

Soon I just lay down on the wall sunbathing, sometimes reaching out the hand to take some potato chips or few puffs of the joint that goes around among my newfound friends. We chat and talk really freely and everybody laughs and Ganjam says that I am his kind of guy and why don't we start a business together.

He says that he works at Aravali guesthouse or basically runs it, and that I will go together with him and that he's really inspired already about how to make it work and do it together as a team. I laugh and we are really merry and happy about our future plans.

//

Nii et me sõidamegi tema motikaga mägedesse, mõlemad küllaltki elevil ja õnnelikud tekkinud olukorra suhtes. Ma näen, et ta juba teeb oma peas plaane, mida selle pika valge mehega edasi peale hakata ja mina olen ülimalt tänulik et ma sealt näljasest ja igavast bussijaamast tulema sain.

Nii et me sõidamegi mägede suunas ja mõlemal pool teed on sellised natuke kaldus seinad ja ta ütleb et: "Tahad ma näitan kuidas ma siit üles lähen" ja ma olen rohkem et "Võib-olla parem mitte, vahest ehk mitte kõige parem mõte" aga jah peamiselt ta ja lihtsalt kiitleb nagu enamik hindusid keda ma kohtasin, nad teevad seda nii suure armastusega ja lustlikult et sa jääd peaaegu alati uskuma kui sa veel seda kultuuri ei tunne.

Nii et me sõidame edasi ja jõuame kohta kus ta ütleb et ta tavaliselt tuleb oma sõpradega sinna kanepit suitsetama. Sõbrad kutsuvadki teda Ganjamiks, mis tähendab pmst kanepit või midagi sellist. Ta oli seal Pushkaris päris tuntud. See koht kuhu me jõudsime polnudki linnast eriti kaugel, ainult mõni km linnast väljas.

Me tuleme motikalt maha ja istume mugavalt müüri peale päikese kätte ja ta süütab joindi ja alustab. Meil on ikka väga lahe olemine ja ta võtab oma telefoni välja ja ütleb: "Ma kutsun mõned sõbrad et nad meile snäkke tooksid" ja ta kutsubki need sõbrad ja varsti nad tulevad rolleritega ja toovad meile kartulikrõpse.

See lähebki järjest paremaks ja paremaks ja varsti me hakkame kaarte mängima ja ta räägib kuidas talle meeldib sõpradega raha peale mängida ja kui ta võidab siis ta ütleb neile et ta läheb WC-sse aga tegelt läheb rahaga ära. Ta kirjeldab seda kõike laia naeratusega ja sellise südamesoojusega ja naerab, nii et ma ei saa midagi parata ja lihtsalt naeran temaga kaasa. Ta räägib ka veel lugusid ja üldse oma elust et kuidas raha pole üldse tähtis vaid et lihtsalt tuleb kõike sõpradega jagada. Ma lihtsalt naeran ja naeran ja muidugi on kanepil selle juures oma efekt ka.

Varsti ma lihtsalt heidan müürile pikali ja võtan päikest, sirutades mõnikord käe välja et kartulikrõpse võtta või mõne tõmbe ringikäivast joindist, mis käib minu justleitud sõprade vahel ringi. Me lobiseme ja räägime täiesti vabalt ja kõik naeravad ja Ravi ütleb et ma olen täitsa tema moodi tüüp ja et me võiks koos vabalt mingit äri alustada.

Ta ütleb, et ta töötab Aravali külalistemajas või põhimõtteliselt juhib seda parasjagu, ja et ma lähen temaga koos sinna ja et ta on juba inspiratsiooni täis kuidas see asi võiks tööle hakata ja et kuidas me saaks seda koos teha nagu üks korralik meeskond. Ma naeran ja me mõlemad oleme päris lustlikud ja rõõmsad oma tulevikuplaanide suhtes.

Taavi

Switching the workspace at Pushkar // Liigun ühelt töökohalt Pushkaris järgmisele

I remember I spent quite a lot of time wandering around the lake. I have my light green hoodie on (the high school graduation hoodie!) and I learn how to take it really chill, like the babas - just laying on the ground comfortably or sitting in the dust or leaning on a wall - enjoying the sun and not letting anything to disturb me.

After some unsuccessful and lazy attempts to fetch the tourists - well, I was not really trying anyway - I got hungry once again. Then there was this musician with a sitar also wandering around the lake area. When he saw some tourists he started to play his sitar to them and later asked for money. This was his strategy.

The day before he had approached me and had started to play for me, and there was a young gypsy girl accompanying him, singing traditional Rajastani tunes. So now I met him again, he was such a warm-hearted guy, always smiling, and when he talked he had a lot of kindness in his voice.

We talked and I asked him about the sitar. He played it with a bow and it had a really interesting sound, with a smooth and happy vibe. Of course, with a wide grin, he demanded some money once again, but as I said I have it not, we started to talk more.

When he heard that I have not eaten all morning, he thought about it for a while and bought some food for me from a nearby pie and dahl stall. I was very hungry. Recieving this food and eating it together with him at the lakeside of Pushkar's famous lake, I remember that I was so thankful that I almost cried and dropped a few tears of gratefulness.

When we departed I went back to the Moon Lake guesthouse. I had brought no more tourists and so they created a plan. A guy who worked at the guesthouse picked me up with a motoscooter and took me to another bus station. I was about to wait there for the incoming buses and spot the possible tourists who would jump off from the buses. My task then would be to go talk to them and bring them to the Moon Lake guesthouse.

Instructions set, he just left me there. I sit on a bench and start to meditate. Soon I discovered that when I was meditating, the area or spot right in front of me started to change energetically. People or birds or whoever entered that new energy field, started to become more calm and centered and their aura became more relaxed. (Later I also discovered that they started to get connection with their higher selves, just by entering my energy field around me and in front of me.)

So I sit there and observe what's happening as the people walk by, and how my energy field or strong meditative harmonious auric field around me affects them.

Nobody is coming to pick me up and no luck with fetching the tourists either, nobody is arriving.

So I just sit there for few hours in the sunlight, focusing on my breathing and conquering my hunger. I also use the strong ashtanga yoga yogic breathe a lot.

After sitting there for few hours and simply waiting, I suddenly hear a voice behind me saying: "Why don't you come and sit with friends?"

I turn around and few meters behind me there's a dark-skinned hindi guy sitting in a chair with his friends or co-workers or business partners. They are also after the tourists and it seems that they have been there for quite a while.

We start talking with the guy who invited me to sit with them and they also bring me chai. His name is Ravi and he is one of the most outstanding figures or characters that I met in Pushkar.

He says that he knows what I'm doing there and that it is not nice from the Moon Lake hotel guys to just leave me there. He says that I can come and work at his guesthouse, he will pay $100 a month and get me new clothes and everything.

We talk and chat for a while and then he asks me if I want to take a ride on his motorcycle outside of the town to the mountains. I'm feeling quite adventurous at that point and it also feels that this thing was meant to happen. So I agree with his wonderful offers and hop on the backseat of his motorcycle and off we go!

//

Ma mäletan, et veetsin selle järve ääres küllaltki palju aega. Mul oli mu heleroheline dressikas seljas (keskkooli lõpupusa!), ja ma õppisin, kuidas kõike hästi rahulikult võtta, nagu babad ümberringi - lihtsalt maas vedeledes või tolmu sees istudes või seina vastu nõjatudes - nautides päikest, laskmata end millestki häirida.

Pärast mõningaid ebaõnnestunud katseid turiste püüda - ega ma eriti ei püüdnudki - muutusin ma taaskord näljaseks.

Seal oli üks muusik sitariga, kes samuti passis palju selle järve lähedal. Kui ta turiste märkas, hakkas ta neile sitari mängima ja lõpus küsis selle eest raha. Selline oli tema strateegia. Eelmine päev oli ta ise minu juurde tulnud ja mulle mängima hakanud, ja üks noor mustlastüdruk oli siis koos temaga, lauldes vibreerival häälel Rajastani rahvalaule.

Ja nüüd ma siis kohtasingi seda meest jälle, tal oli selline südantsoojendav pilk, naeratav, ja kui ta rääkis, oli tema hääles palju lahkust. Me rääkisime ja ma küsisin talt sitari kohta. Ta mängis seda poognaga ja sellel oli huvitav tämber, selline sujuv ja rõõmus. Rajastani classical ftw!!

Ja otse loomulikult, näol lai naeratus, nõudis ta mult taaskord raha. Kui ma ütlesin, et mul ei ole, siis me rääkisime veel. Kui ta kuulis, et ma ei ole sellel hommikul midagi söönud, ostis ta mulle lähedal olevast pirukaletist süüa. Ma olin väga näljane. Saades talt toitu ja süües koos temaga hommikusööki Pushkari järve kivisel ja trepilisel kaldapealsel, mäletan ma, et oli niivõrd tänulik ja õnnelik, et ma peaaegu poetasin mõned tänulikkusest tulvil pisarad.

Kui me üksteisest lahkusime, läksin ma tagasi Moon Lake'i külalistemajja. Ma ei olnud rohkem turiste toonud ja siis nad tegid plaani. Üks noormees, kes ka seal külalistemajas töötas, võttis mu motorolleriga peale ja viis mind ühte teise bussijaama.

Ma pidin seal jälgima sissetulevaid busse ja täheldama võimalikke turiste, kes siis omakorda busside pealt maha hüppavad. Minu ülesanne oleks siis olnud nendega rääkida ja nad endaga Moon Lake'i külalistemajja viia.

Juhtnöörid kätte antud, ta lihtsalt jättis mu sinna. Ma istusin pingile ja hakkasin mediteerima. Varsti ma avastasin, et kui ma mediteerin, siis minu ümber tekib teatud väli, ja ala minu ees hakkab energeetiliselt muutuma.

Inimesed või linnud või kes iganes sisenesid sellesse uude energiavälja minu ees, muutusid rahulikumaks ja ka nende aura muutus selgemaks, rahulikumaks ja tugevamaks. (Hiljem ma avastasin veel, et nad hakkasid saama ühendust oma kõrgema minaga, lihtsalt sisenedes energiavälja minu ees või ümber.)

Nii et ma istusin seal ja jälgisin, mis toimub inimestega, kes mu eest läbi jalutavad, ja et kuidas mu energiaväli või tugev meditatiivne harmooniline auraväli minu ümber neid mõjutab.

Kedagi ei tule, kes mind peale võtaks ja ka turistidega pole õnne, kedagi ei saabu.

Nii et ma lihtsalt istun seal mõni tund järjest päikese käes, keskendudes oma hingamisele ja valitsedes oma nälga. Ma kasutan samuti päris palju tugevat ashtanga jooga joogahingamist.

Pärast mõnda tundi seal istumist ja lihtsalt ootamist, kuulen ma järsku ühte häält oma selja tagant ütlemas: "Miks sa ei tule ja istu koos sõpradega?"

Ma pööran ümber ja mõni meeter minu selja taha jäävatel toolidel istub tumedanahaline hindu noormees koos oma sõprade või kaastööliste või äripartneritega. Nad on samuti turistide peal väljas ja tundub, et nad on seal juba päris tükk aega olnud.

Me hakkame selle tüübiga rääkima, kes mind kutsus ja nad toovad mulle chaid. Tema nimi on Ravi ja ta on üks väljapaistvamaid figuure või karaktereid, keda ma Pushkaris kohtasin. Ta ütleb, et ta teab väga hästi, mis ma seal teen, ja et ei ole just kuigi ilus Moon Lake'i tüüpide poolt mind lihtsalt niimoodi sinna jätta.

Ta ütleb, et ma võin tulla ja töötada tema külalistemajas, ta maksab mulle $100 kuus ja ostab mulle uued riided ja puha. Me räägime ja lobiseme natuke aega, ja siis ta küsib mult, et kas ma tahan koos temaga mootorrattal linnast välja mägedesse sõita.

Ma tunnen ennast küllaltki hästi ja seiklemisvalmilt, ja samuti tundub, et see lihtsalt pidi juhtuma. Nii et ma nõustun tema suurepäraste pakkumistega, hüppan tema mootorratta tagaistmele ja me lähme!

Practicing the joy of compassion in Pushkar // Rõõm kaasatundmisest

What I did in Pushkar continues.

So the next morning, and back to work again! But the instructions were a bit unsure and kind, so I found a lot of time and permissions to just wander around on my own for quite a while.

I went to the rooftop cafe' of the Moon Lake guesthouse, and among some other books (Hesse's "Steppenwolf" I remember), there was "The Joy of Compassion". So I pick it up and it was one of the most awesome things ever written.

There was this example or statement that when you give something to somebody in a really pure and devoted state of being, it will come back to you 100,000 times or something. This book was written by a wise monk so I gave a lot of credit to what he said. I instantly jumped up, ran to the street and gave 10 rupis to a beggar, attempting to stay in as pure and devoted state as I could.

He was really happy and grateful and I was also very joyful and delighted to see him in that graceful and happy state. I don't know how to describe these states or feelings, but it could be something like: "the joyous heart that smiles all the time and wants to dance".

Last night when I was here in Tallinn I felt such a relief that before going to sleep I thanked the world for few seconds before going to bed. Being grateful to what already is is one of the most wonderful practices, it lets the energy flow through you, easily and freely. They say it brings joy and abundance but I would rather say that it actually reminds you that you already have joy and abundance. It heals the heart as well.

//

Pushkari tegevused jätkuvad.

Järgmisel hommikul liikusin tagasi tööle! Aga juhised olid küllaltki ebakindlad, avatud ja lahked, ja seetõttu oli mul küllaltki palju aega ja luba lihtsalt omaette ümbrust uurida ja maailma avastada.

Ma läksin Moon Lake'i külalistemaja katusekohvikusse, ja teiste raamatute hulgas (nt Hesse "Stepihunt") oli seal ka inglisekeelne "Rõõm kaasatundmisest". Ma võtsin selle kätte ja see oli üks kõige paremaid lugemisi, mis mul iial on olnud.

Seal oli selline näide või lause, et kui sa annad midagi kellelegi väga puhtast südamest ja suure andumusega, siis see tuleb sinu juurde kunagi hiljem 100 000-kordselt tagasi. See raamat oli ühe väga targa munga poolt kirjutatud, nii et ma hindasin päris kõrgelt, mis ta ütles. Ma hüppasin hetkega üles, jooksin alla tänavale ja andsin ühele kerjusele 10 ruupiat, püüdes samal ajal hoida võimalikult puhast ja andunud olekut.

Ta oli väga õnnelik ja tänulik, ja mina olin väga rõõmus ja tundsin suurt kergendust, nähes teda sellises õnnelikus ja tänulikus olekus. Ma ei tea täpselt, kuidas neid seisundeid või tundeid kirjeldada, aga see võiks olla midagi sellist: "rõõmus süda naerab iseenesest ja tahab tantsida oma sädelevas ilus."

Eile õhtul siin Tallinnas ma tundisn sellist suurt kergendust, et enne magamaminekut ma tänasin maailma mõne sekundi jooksul enne voodisseminekut. Tänulik olemine selle üle, mis juba olemas on, on üks kõige imelisemaid praktikaid, see laseb väel sinust lihtsalt ja vabalt läbi voolata. Öeldakse, et see toob rõõmu ja küllust, aga ma pigem ütleks, et see tuletab sulle meelde, et sul juba on rõõm ja küllus olemas. See tervendab südant ka!

Kristiine keskuses täna hommikul kell viis

Kristiines on tore
H ja M on lahti
Koristajaid pole
aga uks on lahti
...
Kui mul oleks sitaks raha sis ma võib-olla ostaks kõik need riided ära, laoks nad suurde kuhja ja hüppaks kuskilt kõrgemalt sinna otsa.
...
Hästi disainitud pingid istusid suurejoonelises reas keset koridori. Katkine lambipirn mu selja taga laes surises ja prügikastid toetusid vastu põrandat. Sirutasin jalad välja ja võtaks järjekordse kohvi.
...
Ma polnudki ju kuitahes kaugel, vaid siinsamas; ja juba te võisite mulle naeratades otsa vaadata ja särasilmsel pilgul küsida: noh, kas lähme ja võtame ühe koogi?
...
Pealegi, muuhulgas, kui te just niimoodi küsite, siis võin ma teile öelda, et vahest ehk ma polegi midagi rohkemat kui lihtsalt üks karakter tuhandete teiste hulgas selles uskumatus mängus.
...
Nii mõnedki puud olid säilitanud oma voolujoonelisuse isegi siin, keset selle kaubamaja avarat ja valgusküllast õndsust.
...
Nad olid seintele paigaldanud suuri postreid, aga need polnud lihtsalt tavalised pildid, nad justkui elasid ja reageerisid möödakäijate pilkudele oma sarmika elegantsusega.

Ma armastasin neid postreid ja olin juba õppinud nendega suhtlema; meil oli isegi tekkinud teatud omavaheline vastastikune mõistmine, ja teinekord piisas ühest pilgust või silmanurgast tabatud kergest naeratusest, et leida ühist arusaamist või edastada antud hetkel vajalikku informatsiooni.
...
Ka riided ja see, kuidas neid kanti või ei kantud, hakkas mulle meeldima. Niisamuti leidsin rõõmu ja lohutust laulust ja heast söögist oma pauside ajal. Polnudki ju nii raske!

Kui draamat või põnevust liiga väheks hakkas jääma, juhtus ikka, et mõni vanem meesterahvas jäi bistroos magama ja siis anti üleüldine paanikahäire kogu keskusele. Küll siis alles oli jooksmist! (Minul muidugi mitte, ma lihtsalt venitasin oma sammu paar sentimeetrit pikemaks ja siirdusin asja uurima, jäädes kriisikoldest aupaklikusse kaugusesse.)
...
Esimene õhtu eksisin majas üldse ära ja jäin kuhugi kolmanda ja neljanda korruse parklate vahele tolknema ega osanud enam alla tulla. No siis turvad saidki kasutada oma süsteemi ja leidsid mu kaamerate abil üles ja tõid mu õnnelikult turvaruumi koju tagasi. Vähemalt mingisugune kasu ikka sellest asjast ka, mõtlesin siis.

Hiljem olen paar tulekahjut kustutanud koostöös vanemate koristajaprouadega (õuepealne prügikast läks tossama). Muidu on selline rahulik ja vaheldusrikas töö ja seltskondlikku ajaviidet ikka jätkub.
...

Rajaleidja

Wandering around in Pushkar continues // Seiklemine Pushkaris jätkub

January, 2014

In the evening when I returned to the Moon Lake guesthouse, of course I was hungry again. I had brought no more tourists. There was a campfire going on in the garden and some children sitting around it, discussing schoolwork and waiting for their mother to serve the meal.

Their mother, who was also the keeper of the guesthouse, soon returned from the kitchen with fried vegetables and chapatis. When I finished the food that the children had happily and compassionately offered to me, they asked me if I want some more.

I was a bit shy, facing so much kindness at once, so at first I was quiet. But then I was just honest and said yes. So they brought me some more chapatis and fried vegetables. It was one of the loveliest meals that I have ever had.

Later some foreign tourists from Australia also joined us around the campfire. They were kind and smiling and they smoked some marijuana. Later in the night the woman who was keeping the guesthouse showed me to an empty hotel room to sleep in and take a nice rest.

It was quite amazing, the last night I had been just coming to their place and now I had free food, a job and a sleeping place, everything in one day.

//

Õhtul, kui ma jõudsin Moon Lake'i külalistemajja tagasi, olin ma otse loomulikult jälle küllaltki näljane. Rohkem turiste ma endaga kaasa ei olnud toonud. Aias tehti lõket ja mõned lapsed istusid selle ümber, arutasid oma koolitöid ja ootasid, et ema neile õhtusööki serveeriks.

Nende ema, kes oli ühtlasi ka selle külalistemaja hoidja, tuligi varsti köögist tagasi, praetud juurviljade ja chapatidega. Kui ma olin oma toidu lõpetanud, mida lapsed mulle nii õnnelikult ja kaastundlikult olid pakkunud, küsisid nad mult, kas ma tahan veel.

Ma olin natuke häbelik, seistes korraga silmitsi nii suure lahkusega, nii et kõigepealt ma olin vait. Aga siis ma olin lihtsalt aus ja ütlesin jah. Siis nad tõidki veel praetud juurvilju ja chapatisid. See oli üks armsamaid eineid, mis mul iial on olnud.

Hiljem liitusid meiega veel mõned Austraalia turistid, nad tulid samuti lõkke ümber ja rääkisid lahkelt ja suitsetasid marihuaanat. Päris hilja õhtul näitas külalistemajapidaja mulle magamiskoha kätte, hotelliruum, mis oli parasjagu tühi ja mulle nagu puhkamiseks loodud.

See oli küllaltki imeline, eelmine öö ma olin lihtsalt nende hotelli sisse sadanud, ja nüüd mul oli tasuta toit, peavari ja töökoht, kõik üheainsa päeva jooksul.

Muljeid uuest töökohast turvamehena Kristiine keskuses

https://vimeo.com/144627957

Starseed hymn

https://vimeo.com/144124343

Wandering around in Pushkar // Seiklused Pushkaris jätkuvad

So there I was again, wandering as a child in a new world. I did not care to stay at the bus station for too long, the sun was rising and the morning streets of Pushkar were calling me for some nice exploration.

Of course the lake was attracting me with it's deep underwater secrets, so I naturally walked back in that direction.

I went where the ashrams were at the left side of the lake when coming from the town. In front of one of the ashrams there was an old man sitting on the ground, starting to cook his own chapatis.

He called me to join him and so we sat down and enjoyed a meal together. He was very friendly and he cooked very well and the morning hunger was gone.

In the end he asked me for some rupis. I said I don't have them. He said it is ok. We both understood and departed with a smile.

//

Ja seal ma siis jälle olin, nagu tilluke laps uues ja suures maailmas. Ma ei kavatsenudki kuigi kaua bussijaama ühe koha peale turiste püüdma jääda, hommikupäike oli tõusmas ja Pushkari tänavad hüüdsid kutsuvalt, tulvil avastamisrõõmu.

Loomulikult tõmbas mind enda poole ka kohalik järv oma sügavate veealuste saladustega, nii et ma seadsingi oma sammud kõigepealt sinnapoole.

Ma läksin ašramite juurde, mis asuvad linnast tulles vasakul; ja ühe ašrami ees istus maas kivist plaatidel vanamees, alustades oma hommikust pannkoogiküpsetamist.

Ta kutsus mind enda kõrvale istuma ja nii me siis nautisimegi koos tema tehtud einet. Ta oli väga sõbralik ja ta küpsetas väga hästi ja pärast sellist söömaaega oli mu hommikune nälg juba samahästi kui kadunud.

Lõpus ta küsis mult pisut ruupiaid. Ma ütlesin et mul ei ole. Ta ütles et see on okei. Me mõlemad saime aru ja lahkusime üksteisest, naeratus näol.

I put some music on Vimeo

Here's the link:

https://vimeo.com/user44461742/videos

A donate button - will it work?

I am quite hungry right now :D I am setting up a donate button, I hope it will work, feel free to test it out.

Adjusting to the environment in Pushkar, January 2014 // Kohanemine Pushkaris, 2014 jaanuar

What felt strange to me was the need to push other people in the direction that did not seem to be for the highest good for them. I did not like to just go out there and start drawing them to my hotel, whether they liked it or not.

Why convince somebody at all into doing something, especially for selfish and unhealthy reasons? This was the spell that I was about to face and break.

To soften, embrace and heal the dominating aspects of the out-of-balance male energies, to care for the locals, to encourage the female, heal the hurt pride and just have fun, being together with the people, talking to the locals, smoking the cheap cigs with them and figuring out new ways how to explain to them why exactly I have no money.

In those areas, a white man is usually being approached as an inexhaustible source of wealth and rupis, and everything should be taken from him. I heard that 20 years ago they had like one hotel in Pushkar and now basically every house there is a hotel. This is because all of the focus is on tourists and how to get their money.

// Mis näis mulle kummaline oli see pidev vajadus või tarvidus suruda inimesi endale soovitud suunas, isegi kui see ei olnud nende inimeste kõige kõrgemaks hüvanguks. Ma ei tahtnud lihtsalt minna ja tõmmata neid endaga oma hotelli kaasa, vahet ei ole, kas neile siis meeldis see või ei.

Milleks üldse kedagi veenda midagi tegema, eriti kui tegemist on isekate ja ebatervislike motiividega? Selline oli see kohalik meeleolu, millega mul tuli silmitsi seista ja mida mul tuli järk-järgult murdma hakata.

Pehmendada, endasse lasta ja hoolitseda ülekäte kippuva meesenergia domineerivamate tahkude eest, veeta kohalikega koos aega, julgustada naisi, tervendada haavatud uhkust ja lihtsalt olla rõõmus, inimestega koos, rääkida kohaliku rahvaga, suitsetada koos nendega nende odavaid sigarette ja leiutada uusi viise, kuidas neile täpselt siis selgitada, et miks mul ikkagi raha ei ole.

Nendel aladel nähakse valget meest tavaliselt kui ammendamatut rikkuse ja ruupiate allikat, ja seejärel tehakse kõik endast olenev, et talt see kätte saada ja ära võtta. Ma kuulsin, et 20 aastat tagasi oli neil umbes üks hotell terve Pushkari peale, ja praegu on põhimõtteliselt iga maja seal hotell. See on sellepärast nii, et kogu fookus on turistidel ja et kuidas neilt ikkagi see raha kätte saada.

Testing the piano at national library

https://vimeo.com/143457900

I will continue with the Pushkar story // Jätkan Pushkari looga

I will continue with the Indian story, both in Estonian and English.
// Jätkan India looga, nii eesti kui inglise keeles.

Back to the story of Pushkar.

He introduced me the basic principles of how to fetch tourists in the crowdy Pushkar. The instructions were quite simple but the job of course was not - by this I mean that there was no way I could just turn to random western strangers and convince them to follow me to the Moon Lake hotel. This was against my ethics or something. I did not want to disturb or interrupt any person more than it was necessary.

// and now the translation to Estonian:

Tagasi Pushkari loo juurde.

Ta tutvustas mulle peamisi põhimõtteid, et kuidas selles lärmakas Pushkaris turiste püüda. Juhised olid küllaltki selged, aga töö seda kohe kindlasti ei olnud. Pean selle all silmas seda, et ma lihtsalt ei saanud suvaliste lääne võõraste poole pöörduda ja veenda neid meie Moon Lake hotelli järgnema. See oli mulle eetiliselt vastu või midagi sellist. Ma ei tahtnud kedagi rohkem segada või häirida, kui see tarvilik oli.

This is a link to my previous Vimeo channel

https://vimeo.com/user37081865

A summary of September and a bit further

What I posted in September and further to my Facebook account

September 4 

For I have happily reached home. Still getting that wtf?? feeling pretty often!! Much love and will continue with the research, integration and studies of harmony. I am doing the best I can but you know sometimes it can get really tough... Also learning the art of expressing and explaining myself a little bit better.. But things have more or less settled down now. I do hope that you are not overly upset or anything cause I have been VERY busy the last two years and especioso the last two months have been extremely tough for me!! Challenge after challenge after challenge!! But don't get me wrong.... If I fail it is because I just don't knowwwwwwwwww... So much to discover and play around a little bit. If some of you older and wiser ppl know some good guidance about how to get around in this world I gladly appreciato and accept!! Again sorry if it is not clarified enough yet but yea whatever we're doing the absolutely best we can. Or at least I hope so. Atm I am the parents' house and getting some good food and going for the potatoes tomorrow!!! I am really just starting to see the true magnificence of the whole situation or sitcom or whatever you call it. I wish you all the peace, trust, love and happiness that I can possibly give. Cheers!!

September 5 

Well if anyone's interested about my stories of the past in the online world and somewhere else other places also here's a link to my poker blog:
http://www.pokerstrategy.com/forum/thread.php?threadid=64261

September 5 

Ok so in 2013 I was indeed in Vienna:
(from the poker blog)
19.07.2013, 17:19

It was getting a bit dull going to the daily piano practice via subway, so I got myself one of these:
http://www.rideside.at/…/micro-sc…/micro-scooter-flex-blue/…
, and added the blue pro grips. It is absolutely epic. So fast with so little effort! So flexible. Let's make a stop? You stop. Not like with a bicycle when you would have to perform an acrobatic number. 20 meters in that direction? One kick and you're already there. If you mix it up with subway it gets even more fun. You can actually roll in to the elevator and out again, then sliding through the crowds without any effort whatsoever, whistling Rachmaninov.
"""
But actually I get caught in the end and bump into a guardian at the metro in the underground and get fined 100eur or something. But then I had a lot of money so no problems. Also the scooter got stolen later from the hall of Klaviergalerie (the most amazing place ever!!! they have all the best top quality pianos there and you can just rent the rooms for really cheap price like 3-5 eur per hour). Also I leave a lot of money in Vienna and overpay the rent and everything but they never send it back to my bank account... unsure emoticon But overall it was one of the best experiences I have ever had, even though it got VERY lonely in the end. That's also why I left in the end, wanted to meet and talk to some people as well but very few contacts..

September 5

Ok so here's my video channel, you can follow this if interested:

Taavi Timm’s Videos on Vimeo

September 5 

So yea I was posting at Vimeo quite a bit until April but then I tried to do a bigger project and recorded like 22min video but when I was converting it with the intention to upload it and send it to all my friends via email, the ventilator of my laptop started to go on really fast and making such a noise that I was getting afraid that the computer might explode. So I did shut down the computer and I ripped out the hard disk and throwed everything into a dustbin behind the Ujula Konsum at Tartu.

September 5

 

So what I need to do is to get some new nice laptop or something, I have the digital piano and a really good soundcard still and really nice speakers. If I could get the laptop and put Windows 7 on it (They dont accept my soundcard in Linux yet!! crazy ppl, saying that software not yet developed or sth. I have Roland Quad-Capture and there's no software for Linux or at least that was the case in the end of April or something.)
And if I could somehow get that laptop I could also listen to some good music at Tartu with the speakers, putting them on a bit more loudly than the std small speaker of laptop. I used to do this alot at the end of 2013, listening to Beethoven and dancing alot and everything.

September 5 

Ok gotta go for the potatos otherwise my mom could get pissed off (nah just kidding!!). But I really need the potatos as there's some nice orgonite dropped around the field so when you eat the potatos it's actually good against the electromagnetic fields of the city!!! See ya!! Cheers and much love!!

September 5

Was watching football with my father and really enjoying the evening. Gonna take a hot bath or something and freely enjoy all of the luxuries of this world!! The weather is really nice, we had some dry thunder above the potato fieldos and things got mixed up a little bit. Other than that, I am still waiting and meanwhile reading some good old letters: http://www.thenietzschechannel.com/corresp…/…/nlett-1889.htm

It is mostly ramble but there's also some good content inside.

September 6 

There was this specific inner expression, or feeling, so to call it that I had a few days ago when playing piano in Tartu. I was messing around with the voice of the strings and suddenly all of the Himalayas started to play again. Again I was that little boy standing or wandering alone in the mountains, with no one else to go along with but it didn't matter because it was so beautiful. It's like I had been transported in the middle of the 3rd movement of Beethoven's Ninth but it was much more immediate and childlike, the sound of the fresh mountains; did you know that you can actually feel and hear the air?? But it is much much more than that; it is not about going back to the past, it is rather that the sound is coming up and starting to play from within, so it is actually about being fully in the present moment... And I knew that the inner child in the mountains was absolutely allright - even more than that, he had quietly walked down, only the eagerest ears maybe capable of noticing his quiet tune - he had most charmingly walked back to help me out.

September 6 

For I by myself had sent him up there to discover what cannot be discovered. Once from a channeling I got this message that "our task here is to do the impossible", so for a challenge like that we maybe need to put all of our passion and creativity to a test, and, if the situation requires, develop our empathy to such degrees that we're even capable to embrace the madness and self-torture by divine feminine, that is, to somehow impossibly transform it to an acceptable form so that nobody gets hurt too much.

September 6 

There is so much that I would love to tell but I need to hold myself back, because, this is what I have maybe learned during my ventures (just maybe): the emotional healing is actually much more important than just "facing the facts" and harsh cold truths. Because, if there is no enjoyment or beauty about the facts that you're about to face yet; then, it might be actually wise to somehow; yes, this is taking a lot of flexibility for me to say something like this! - it might be actually VERY wise to beautify the truth first before throwing it out as if it was some old dirty garbage.

September 6 

Whenever you see something that heavily disturbs you, you always have the option to choose: what is your reaction or approach or attitude towards the energy that is coming in your direction? You could percieve yourself as a victim, but that is only one option out of many many, and you can, and I do - regularly invent new approaches about this and test them out on myself. (Phewh!) And even now, the whole situation is still so challenging for me, but in a much different way. For I feel that now, somehow I need to take the next test and learn how to actually get in to those schools.

September 6 

I think it was in May when I was thinking about my future plans and then I had this dreamlike inner feeling of fullfillment, that I had and could actually find my place in this world. I saw the music school in Tartu and I knew that this place had been waiting for me, it was almost as if my own dream had created it and now I was entering into that dream and this feeling was so strong, it was like I had known it for certain, it was not even a question. So I knew that I absolutely had to go into that music school.

September 6 

But it got emotionally much much tougher than I had expected, facing constant and surprising sudden pressures from all kind of ancient sources... And also the helicopter started to come when I first tried to enter the building. It seemed that it was so important for some forces to keep blocking my entrance into their world. So they made it extremely tough emotionally for me to even go near that house, and yea then feeding me their own ancient karma. This was REALLY intense. I will describe it in a minute.

September 6 

Yup and the second part is about the fall:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDXWK3W477w

September 6 

I have practiced self-healing alot, yoga and everything. Ok here's one of my favourite pieces of all time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZU67jLOJ7I
Btw Vladimir Ashkenazy is one of the best pianists I have ever heard!! Barenboim and Bernstein being some of my favourite conductors.......

September 6 

I also like Yundi Li alot, especially his Chopin interpretations!!

September 6 

Tere!

September 7 

Today I was gathering a lot of vegetables from the garden and from the field. Gotta start some cooking in the town. I never really liked cooking by myself and really sucked at it, but now, at the European Rainbow Gathering I really learned the value of what it could be. The art of cooking, gotta practice that one!!

September 10 

How I visited India in 2014.

Chapter 1.

Part 1. Delhi.

1) At the airport.

I arrived to Delhi at 2 o'clock in the night or something and I was really confused. Alone in a foreign country and atmosphere I walked around quite randomly in front of the Delhi airport and the weather was really foggy.

I didn't know where to go or what to do. Then a taxi driver approached me and asked me where do I want to go. So I said I have this friend in Delhi and I have his phone nr but no phone, so he gave me his phone to make the call.

He said it was not allowed to use the mobile phone in front of the airport but we did it anyway. Looking back, it seemed to me that he remained quite close to me all the time, making sure that I don't leave him.

So I made the call and woke up my poker friend at two o'clock in the night. He wasn't too happy about it but I was so totally confused, so calling him seemed to me to be at least a step forward in some direction.

So yea he said to visit him the next day or something as it was the night time and he was sleeping with his family. So yea but this phone call calmed me down at least a little bit.

So after the phone call I still didn't know what to do or where to go. But there was this taxi driver and he kept asking me these questions such as: where are you going? So he told me that I can go with him and he will take me to a hotel or something.

September 10 

So next day I somehow successfully made it to the friends house. They cook me really delicious Hindi food and the wife was constantly bringing in more food as we ate.

September 11 

So at the friends' house we started to make plans about my trip. I wanted to go to Rishikesh, to the north and maybe then to the Himalayas. But my friend told me that it was too cold there (it was in January), and that it would be much better if I took a round-trip thru the whole India as a tourist, starting from the west.
So yea I agreed but I didn't mention to him that my money was about to end very soon. So I just took the offer and we went to the bus station together and then I proceeded with a bus to Jaipur. This was a lot of fun and the trip was just about to get started. It was just only the beginning of a great adventure that was yet about to unfold for me!!

September 11 

I arrived to Jaipur and again I was being taken to a hotel. But it was a pretty nice one this time and they offered room service with really cheap food and delicious chai.
(The first hotel in Delhi I really payed the full tourist price and was being taken to their own special tourist centre and everything.)
So yea anyway, the next day in Jaipur I went to the city centre for some good old sightseeing. There was this big castle and lot of tourists and lot of people who were after the moniez. Overall it looked like the robbers' capital or something, this was my general feeling about Jaipur.

But yea I proceeded with the intention to spend all of my money there, and I even went much furtheroso. What happened? Maybe it was a Rajastani version of "Into the wild!" or something. I had not seen the movie but I had some ashtanga yoga experience and I had read some good content from Drunvalo's books and I was really eager to put it into practice!! How to follow your heart and just keep going no matter what (or anyway, how were the instructions?? :D) Basically I started to really love what I was doing and what followed was an outstanding attempt of individualism. But yea this was last year in Rajastani so I really have to figure out how to explain this all in an understandable system of signs or something. Much love and peace!!

September 12 

Chapter 2. A hero decides that it is time to go.

So I cut my bankcards with fingernail-scissors in their main castle. I drop my sleeping bag and my mobile phone from Estonia in the hotel. Then I walk out and I leave my expensive backpack full of different crystals on the streetside in front of the hotel. Then I walk out of the city empty-handed, with nothing but my passport and a few rose quartz crystals in my pocket.

Now the fun really begins. As I start to make my way out of the city - (I had a beautiful light green hoodie and thin brown trousers on - did anyone see me??) - I get some lovely curious attention from the locals and then, as the Way leads me out of the town, I see a lot of sand dunes and many children, mostly small boys flying kites. They say that they have a big kite-flying festival going on on that day all over Jaipur.

A little boy approaches me and asks me kindly to follow him and the other children up to the sand dunes.

From there I could clearly see a beautiful view to the city of Jaipur, unfolding in it's true majestic beauty in a dawn of the new day.

I felt really excited about where all of this was going to lead. There was another castle or ruins or something on top of the mountain behind us and I wanted to go and climb up there. And well, besides that, this seemed to be the only way out of that fucking city.

So I went down the sand dunes but when I started to make it for the mountain path, another guy (or was it the same?) started to follow me and told me that he can show me the way up to the hilltop. I gladly agreed as the path was indeed quite hard, taking curves between rocks and bushes. But yea I kept a smile on my face and followed this guy or whatever.

Ok yea so the weather was getting quite hot. So we climbed up the mountain together, but on the hilltop he asks me for money. I gave him 40 rupis or something, this was the last money that I had. But he was not satisfied and kept following me and led me to the ruins of the mountain castle, where there were guardians watching, standing tall like real warriors, attempting to get every penny out of a western tourist.

September 12 

But I didn't have any money anymore so I simply walk thru the castle as if it was nothing. I go to the middle of the ruins and meditate a little bit and do some own inner ceremonies of mine, basically just praying and blessing the spot. After the meditation I walk down a little bit and continue to explore the ruins. They had some really nice stairs there.
Many times I felt that I could fall in love over and over again with the places that I saw there and where I stayed at. It felt as if it had once been an old home of my very own.

Many times I got this feeling of deep inner satisfaction, between these cold calming stone walls of ancient India, I often felt that I had already been there before, but back then it had been such a lovely experience, with my family and wife and children all around.
But now it seemed that the place had somehow survived a big catastrophe and this feeling of true homely piece was but of a distant memory. But it was still there, I could feel it from the stone walls and architecture of the ancient buildings, calming me down and relaxing me when I most desperately needed it.

September 12 

Now I would like to talk a little bit about of what I did between Vienna and India, in the autumn of 2013. When I got back home to Tartu, I was really full of enthusiasm. I had made a lot of money in Vienna, I was young, handsome and confident in myself. I had a big Nike bluish sports bag full of expensive stuff that I had bought from Vienna (I spent there two months, July and August in 2013, playing piano and poker. You can read a little bit about it from my poker blog. You can google it: taavi1337 - noob learning FL )

September 12 

So in that big sports bag that I bought from Vienna to Tartu I had:

a brand new Samsung laptop bought from Vienna
a collection of original Tolkien books
original Nietzche's "Also sprach Zarathustra" from Germany
many other good English books that I had ordered to the Vienna apartment where I was living.

And I also had a collection of full Beethoven's piano sonatas and many other notes that I had bought from a shop in Vienna. Also I had really expensive AKG headphones in there and I still have them and I love them!!

So basically I had a lot of money on many bank cards and a lot of free time and I was full of energy, ready to put it wherever I felt like or what I was the most interested in at the moment.. This was a lot of freedom and richness, it was in September 2013.

September 12 

Well, what happened to the money and everything, you might ask? That is a very good question. With pleasure I shall describe you the following, so please listen.

So again, when I got back home to Tartu in September 2013, I suddenly started to watch the Spirit Science videos on Youtube by a guy who calls himself Jordan David I think. He has made a bunch of really good videos about what's happening in the world and I think I basically watched all of them in a row back then, as much as was available back then and as fast that he could post new ones, haha. I was really following him. I was absorbing the info as fast as I could, my mind constantly expanding and curiosity, joy and enthusiasm growing.

The exclusiveness of the way in which the information was provided and being presented was truly awesome.

How did I find the videos? - You might ask. Well, they were recommended to me by a military friend in Rome. Let me explain this a bit further.

In 2012 we made a nice trip to Rome. We stayed there for one week, mostly eating pizza and drinking beer and sightseeing really hard. We were really into it and every daywe took a tram or something and walked together as we were discovering new aspects of what was left of the ancient Rome.

September 12 

One day we also visited the Mediterranean Sea, swimming and sunbathing and enjoying some cold beers and other drinks and fast food. This was really nice.

So anyway, one evening in the hotel room as we were watching the TV and laying comfortably in our bed.s, we started to discuss about meditation and stuff and mushrooms (he had done them but I had not!!). So yeaand then he tells me again about this video series: "Ancient human history" or "True human history" or "Real human history or something. It is on Youtube in the Spirit Science series but I cannot post the link right now because it is not allowed and it is blocked here on this computer of the public library of Tartu.

Thank you!!

September 13 

So back to Rajasthan with the story.

I walk down these stairs and continue to discover the ruins. Then there is this guy sitting on the corner of a small tower and having a look over the area. Basically he looked like a hindi tourist (now I start to suspect that he was not just sitting there.) I think he had a motorcycle next to him. He invites me to sit next to him and offers me nicely to take a sip from his beer.

I happily accept and we talk a little bit but then he asks me some money for sipping the beer that he offered. I think he asks 50 rupees or something (Actually I don't care how much it was and I don't think it matters too much. But maybe for some grey people it is the most important thing in this universe, who knows.)

I tell him that I have no money and then he leaves me alone pretty fast after some small arguing about it.

September 13 

So I walk on and continue with my discoveries. Then I take a rest behind some bushes and carve some message in a stone, I don't exactly remember what. I think something really simple, just a small sign of love, a heart sign or something.

I wake up because I think a goat was coming and sniffing my feet or something.

Then I walk on and I climb up to a higher stone platform and it is so warm and nice and sunny and so I fall asleep there, on the edge of the ruins of that castle. I sleep much longer now and rest pretty well.

Then an old shepherd with a dog approaches I think and starts talking in hindi. He actually helps me and points me the way out of the ruins. This was a rather big area and I was quite lost there. So I walk in the direction that he points and go on.

September 13 

Then something quite weird happens (so far a rather tourist trip or what). As I walk on a path that is next to the outer castle wall, suddenly there is this guy like 50 meters in front of me.

He is drinking whiskey and flying a kite, but when I walk near him he suddenly runs back to the direction where I came from with his kite and leaves his water bottle and whiskey bottle to the spot where he was before.

And he remains pretty far but I had this feeling that he was always silently checking if I drink his drinks or not.

I got this sudden inner knowing that it was a temptation test, if I would steal or not, but it was way too obvious.

So I simply walk on after wandering about the situation a little bit.

September 13 

Soon I see some people sitting down in grass having a small merry picnic with tomatoes and onions and whiskey and there was something else as well which was really delicious.
So yes they invited me to join them and happily shared their food and drinks with me. This I really liked, as I was quite hungry already. Much love and thanks to these people, you gave me a nice and necessary faith/boost after these weird thieves!

September 14

What is your biggest fear? My biggest fear is the solfeggio test at the music school and that's where I will go.

September 14 at 4:07pm 

What are your favourite movies? Some of my favourite movies are:
300
36th Chamber of Shaolin
Eroica
Immortal Beloved
David and Bathsheba
Spartacus
Lord of the Rings trilogy
The Hobbit
Avatar
Revolver by Guy Ritchie
Sherlock Holmes
Ocean's 11, 12, 13
Pokerstars Big Game
Poker after Dark
Life of Brian

One of my all-time favourites is The Secret by Jay Chou or whoever wrote it! (not the mainstream "Secret" movie but the Japanese one about a boy who plays the piano).

This inspired me a lot!!

September 15 at 9:39am 

A real thief in the dark. This one, is for my agent.

She could go through the nights and attaqck exactly where it was needed the most with such precision, that is was incredible and spectacular at the same time. But you could actually not spectaculate too much, because she was already coming from your back or from a completely unknown and seemingly random angle. But she knew, oh, she knew _very_ well what she was doing.

September 15 at 9:43am 

What I did at Estonian, HQ:
*) Divine feminine and twin flame love light energy through the curicification blockage
*) Mother goddess energy through that blockage

I think they were both successful, the last one I almost got killed.
*) I also called back the red-black storm by connecting with Milarepa and singing and flying around in a dream
*) I also called in the astral levels by singing and drumming.
*) I also climb a tree and sing a new dawn for Estonia and the planet
There was actually much more going on, but I feel that these aspects needed healing and clarification the most. If any questions, please ask.

September 15 at 9:48am 

She was too quick to trace, too beautiful to be caught in the realms of the ugly, and then, at the very next moment she could be standing right next to you or starting a casual talk or offering some almonds just as if it was any other beautiful day in the forest.

I don't know how, but she alwayays managed to do it with such simplicity that you instantly forgot about what was troubling you before.

If anything calmed me down in this world, it was her presence. She could just be with me for a few seconds and I always got so peaceful.

Justice was her very gift and she always managed to deliver it with such a charming way that you would never know how extremely sharp it actually was.

Well, one thing for sure - I would not want to oppose her when she decides that it is time to go.

September 15 at 12:47pm 

I was just about to post something but then I felt a sudden urge to pee. I don't know where it was coming from but I would like these kind of things to stop if they're not coming from my own inner essence.

September 15 at 12:54pm 

So today I was just sitting in my room and looking at the floor and then a random question popped up in my mind. It was this:

How to develop a character?

And I started to think about it to find some answers. And what I mostly thought and felt about it was:

To develop a character I think it is important to practice doing what you love the most. So you can actually develop yourself by practice in any direction that you wish to proceed. In my own experience, I have found that if you add in some virtues, that is practice being virtuous, and live your life in that way, the results turned out to be more enjoyable and beneficial and exciting than then when I was not practicing being virtuous.

Also I wondered by myself today and thought about this: how to find a clear and enjoyable way to ask questions from others? I think that it would be much easier to answer if there are actually questions being asked. How else would the answerer know, what are the listeners interested in?

September 15 at 4:47pm 

Basically I was being provided the opportuni9ty to stay at his house alone for quite a while. But then I discover that the way he arranged his things in his house, actually told his own painful story. It was like a language of signs through simple items and symbols, such as religious symbols.

I could feel that he was very attached to these items and symbols. I could also feel the deep emotional pain and fear that he had about these items, they seemed to hold a lot of tragic emotional value to him.

He would get very concerned and even angry if any of these items would be moved or broken. (Well yes and as you might guess, this is where I come in.)

September 15 at 4:51pm 

When I see any being attaching to his own pain or fear too much, I do my best to help him or her release that emotional pain, so that he or she would feel better.

But sometimes the pain is combined with fear, for example, if the deep pain of the loss of a loved wife is combined with the fear that others would discover how secretly famous a person actually is, it can be a really tough case to go near that person emotionally and actually somehow embrace that emotional pain, beacuse the person wouldn't let you near because he could be so afraid that you might somehow discover who he really is and what he has actually been doing here.

So there was a lot of pain but mostly the fear of discovery in this scenario, this is how it seemed to me. Any emotional help on that case much appreciato!!

September 16 at 9:10am 

What I did was that I went back to the original trauma of mine, the fall of Atlantis, and absorbed the info really fast.

I did this by re-experiencing the situation emotionally in India in January-May 2014.

I came back to Estoni8a in May 2014 and since then I have been intensively healing myself.

I have also been in contact with other persons, who have also been traumatized by the fall of Atlantis.

I have done my best to help them as well, but it has been quite a hard time for me.

September 16 at 9:15am 

I am interested in how to reveal the information in such a way that it would be gentle and caring for the female aspect of ourselves.

On a personal note I would like to add, that I am who I am because of the intense experiences that I have gone through in the past.

I have done a lot of yoga and I have practiced a lot of meditation in solitude and in this way I have somehow developed a rather good sense of who I am as an individual.

What I lack is the cooperation skills with other people, because I simply don't have too much experience in that. But I would be very happy to practice communicating with other people as well.
Also I am not sure how to solve my financial situation. Right now I do not have money and I don't have a passport or a valid ID. Any help in this would be much appreciated!

September 16 at 11:37am 

I went for the ID-card but they asked me 25 euros. Of course I don't have it and then she says that I will not get the document. Kinda boring and slow game.

September 16 at 5:55pm 

My intention is basically to inspire and make you realize so that life would be more exciting! I do not mean to offend, or if you somehow feel offended by my posts, it might actually be a beneficial consequence, such as a release of a fear or something. I really don't know, I am basically just a child playing around, don't take me too seriously!! I always love you and feedback always appreciato!!

September 16 at 5:58pm 

So if you have any questions what could I write about (if you're actually interested), you can always post it right here in the comments or add me a friend or write a message or come talk to me or however you feel like!!

September 16 at 5:59pm 

Because, I am getting quite bored only communicating with other people via Facebook. I would like close personal physical talks.

September 16 at 6:00pm 

So yes my preferred way of communicating with the world would be close personal physical talks with real persons.

September 16 at 6:00pm 

Thank you!!

September 17 at 9:16am 

Last night few minutes after midnight I got confirmation that our galaxy survives.

September 17 at 9:16am 

I love you and I am ok.

September 17 at 11:01am 

Today my sister came to me and picked me up with a car. We go to the police again and this time I got accepted and I got a confirmation that the case is being solved.

September 17 at 5:11pm 

I took a nice long bath and then singing in a shower for quite a while. Great healing going on all around I feel. No need to project the fears on others, we can just healthily release them or sing them out or however you feel like! Love and blessings

September 21 at 9:10am 

Question: What happened in European Rainbow Gathering in Lithuania, July-August 2015?

Answer:

Well, basically the whole area was constantly being pressurized by the priesthood and also by the beings who had come down for all kinds of unhealthy curiosity.

They were getting rather aggressive in their behavior and approaches, so we were getting quite upset all the time there, basically working and fighting back 24/7.

We did this by using our sexual energies mostly, also I brought in the starlight as the situations were getting very extreme and dangerously upsetting for us.

We successfully fought back and in the end I went from Lithuania to Estonia for two weeks (16-28. August), mostly barefoot (I drop the shoes pretty fast after two days or something) and on my instincts (connecting with Viswaamitra-Milarepa survival etc), walking and hiding in the forest as she had taught me and sometimes hitchhiking but mostly walking on the roads, singing and cleansing and doing the gridwork.

September 21 at 9:17am 

Answer continuing:

I basically had the whole Atlantis behind me, trying to stop me. I also got tackled down by the police and I was put into arrest chamber. But I got out very fast after I sing a little bit of Rachmaninov to them.

I was also taken to Lithuanian embassy because no passport (I burned my passport in May 2015 in order to accept and embrace my full galactic identity.)

But yea the embassy went really smooth and I walk out pretty pure.

I also break in into two 4-dimensional houses in Lithuania, one was a priesthood house (this is where I get tackled down in the morning) and the other was an old manor house, a hotel.

I sleep the night and attempt to cook in the morning at the priest's house (but this where I got caught and they ask me to turn off the gas) and I sleep the night and take some cold refrigated food from the 4-dimensional hotel house and I later successfully cook and eat it on a campfire in the forest.

I got into both houses throught the window, and later the second house I also successfully escaped through the window in the morning as I felt the fear energies coming in. So I succesfully ran and it was alright after that, intense, but alright you could call it.

Well anyway the journey continued and after a lot of walking I made it back to Tartu on 28th of August, full moon.

September 21 at 9:18am 

Question: How did you survive the walk?

Answer:

I eat a lot of apples from the apple trees. I had practiced raw food diet + yoga before (at the end of 2013), so I actually had some experience in this.

September 21 at 9:20am 

If any questions about what to post, please ask. I have some Indian story already written down a bit and I also have some female encouragement written down, basically poetry that explains and encourages a little bit. I can also tell you more about the Rainbow gathering because that was really intense or my run or my life or who I am or how and where I was born in 1991 in Tartu or whatever you feel that you're interested in.

Much love!!

Taavi

September 21 at 11:23am

So yea I was born on 22nd of July, 1991 in Tartu, Estonia. My name is Taavi Timm. I went to Rannu Secondary School for 12 years. First 18 years of my life I was living together with my parents near Lake Võrtsjärv, at the Limnology Centre. My father and grandfather are both biologists. My mother also has a degree in biology but she was mostly not working after the children were born, just staying at home with children and cooking for us, also she was really into gardening and forests. I also sometimes accompanied her, rising up with the sunrise in summer, going to forest for the wild strawberries, later making our own yoghurt from them.

As a small boy I really liked fishing a lot at the lake and mushrooming, and playing around with the neighbor's children. We really had a lot of fun together, inventing our own games and all.
My father had taught me how to make my own fishing rod and how to fish with it. I spent a lot of time alone at the lake fishing and at the forest mushrooming.

My mother teached me about gardening and everything, how to grow potatoes and how to take care of the garden.

My father also taught me how to make campfire and we also went hiking a lot together with our family members. This I loved a lot!!

September 21 at 12:24pm 

The ancient scream in the dark, followed by another criminal recording, gone no further than it used to be, no need for the lack of destructive damaging behavior, ready only to manipulate and kill.

But a step no further, this none of the horrors of yours would be too deep for me to drown into, gone with a flashing tail and nothing left but a damaging ancestral value of starlines, hidden deep into the mysteries of the original book of the time-master itself by this galaxy.

There used to be more and it used to be even heavier than this that we're currently reading at and facing upon, however, the need to describe one's true feelings was growing and doing the lots of the homework, required only for the deep emotional release.

September 21 at 12:27pm 

The angels were flying by but the darkness was growing into some kind of beneficial mist, never to be seen again or touched upon, unto this very core existance that never ceased to belong to this very inner issue of those who were not yet ready to handle the situation.

September 21 at 12:28pm 

I am merely describing the very shallow upflute of those tunes, and I do not know for what is required for you to be done, but no, that is not the emptiness or hollow where I wish to lead you into.

September 21 at 12:29pm 

A great warrior was risen out of the dusts of the old, both capable of caring and happily taking the responsibility, while at the same time remaining a pure innocent child.

September 21 at 12:32pm 

However, the horrifying truth was that they were all trapped into some kind of habitual fears or fear-based patterns and I was unable to either help or run away.

There was a desperate need for a female, but this was the only thing that we seemed to be unable to get down here.

So I was doing my best to cleanse the fears and pains as fast as possible, otherwise the accumulated, rather homely environment would not have remained in such a lovely and approachable conditions.

September 21 at 12:34pm 

I still feel the post-dramatic ancestarl values, safely holding them, never to be thrown again into the mists of the unknown.

Because I am here for you and I do feel capable of dissolving these emotional entanglements that you seem to love so much

But there is no need to step any further than the good taste requires, otherwise the beauty of the game would be a little bit lost and this is not what I wish to accomplish.

September 21 at 12:36pm 

What I truly wish is to enjoy the benefits of the world, such as in the end of the movie "The Rise of the Dark Knight".

i think in the end they just get together and have a chat at the cafe' but everybody's looking for the Batman from underground tunnels and secret laboratories.

September 21 at 12:37pm 

I would very much like to sound more simple but for that I do need some simple feedback.

September 21 at 1:52pm 

I will continue with the Indian story, last part was being told in September 13 in Tartu Kaubamaja and the last paragraph was this:

"So yes they invited me to join them and happily shared their food and drinks with me. This I really liked, as I was quite hungry already. Much love and thanks to these people, you gave me a nice and necessary faith/boost after these weird thieves!"

September 21 at 1:56pm 

At the next part of the castle on the mountain there were many people flying kites, because there was a kite-flying festival in Jaipur.

Some of these kite-flyers kindly ask me to join them and teach me how to fly a kite. But I was really clumsy at it and the strings got mixed up and it got a little bit messy and my kite fell down pretty fast. I did not want to try again, but they seemed to enjoy the kite-flying alot but I don't like it too much, it was rather lonely and dry.

So there are these another people sitting at a rooftop of an ancient house. I climb down there and up a ladder and they do offer me water and I like it because I was thirsty.

September 21 at 2:01pm 

Then there were these other youngster people hanging around with their moto-scooters. They invite me to join them but offer no water. Instead they pull out their mobile phones and put on some music and we dance around a little bit on these hills as the sun is soon about to set.

So they start to leave and I feel lonely and try to cling to them or something and they ask me if I want beer and I say yes but that I don't have any money and then they say - no money, no beer - and ride away with their moto-scooters to the town.

Now I feel really bad about it that I don't have the money to buy the beer or whatever, that's how they try to attach you down emotionally. It is very simple but it can cause a big mess in the galaxy I guess.

September 21 at 2:03pm 

As a brave pilgrim I proceed with my light green hoodie on, sun shining right into my cheerful face. I walk on and I feel really strong and I think that I also have the handwoven winter-hat on that my mother made me. I was actually really happy that these motoscooter people had left without a trace back to the town, or whatever their dwelling place was about to be, I don't know.

September 21 at 2:04pm 

I did proceed on my own and soon the sun was about to set. I made a stop on a small hill to meditate a bit.

September 21 at 2:42pm 

I promised myself to meditate my way out of the world because I was bored of it. So I made a vow that I will stay on that hill for three days.

I also throw away the rose quartz crystals that were in my pocket as an offering to Mother Earth.
So I sit there and meditate and it is already getting dark. What I remember about it is that I could see this lake from the thure and suddenly when it is getting dark they start to shoot a lot of fireworks into the sky, as if they were there to congratulate me.

The fireworks go on and on for a very long time, truly amazing.

There were also peacocks coming and flying all around and some of them come walk quite near to me. They were really lovely and cute, flashing their beautiful colourful tails and making their specific sounds.

This whole experience was rather awesome, it was like a sign that I had somehow made it and that I was exactly at the right spot where I needed to be.

September 21 at 5:20pm 

So I had made this vow to stay there for 3 days in a row, but it got really cold in the night and a bit uncomfortable so after 16 hours or so I got so hungry that I get a sudden impulse to quit and so I stand up and start to seek the way of how to walk down the mountain.

I walk down the mountain via the spiral road, a motorway, and cars are coming in my direction but my inner guidance tells me not to stop them by hitchhiking.

So I simply walk down the road just praying and calling for the higher self all the time, shivering of coldness, fear and hunger. I was really uncomfortable and trembling back then. Well, a first time is always a first time.

September 21 at 5:23pm 

So I walk and shiver for like 2 kilometers when the road leads me past the lake and the lake castle and back to Jaipur.

I walk on a little bit and then suddenly my higher self leads me to a streetside next to a house and says: "This is the spot! Sit down and wait!" (yup this is pretty much how it happened in real life!! :)))

September 21 at 5:26pm 

So I sit down there at the streetside in the middle of the night and wait for like 10 minutes. Then something really interesting happens.

First, a big elephant carrying a sleeping man walks by, coming from my left and going up the spiral mountainway where I came from. He goes really slowly as elephants do and I am like: "Wow! What could this mean?"

Then I wait for a few minutes and another elephant carrying a sleeping man walks by, coming from my left and going up the mountainway and following the first one. This was pretty amazing.

September 21 at 5:28pm 

Then I wait for like 10 minutes more and then a white car comes from the direction where I also walked down from. It slows down and stops at my place and there these hindi guys come out and see that I am in trouble and ask how they can help me. So then they kindly ask me to go in their car and they ask what's the matter and they were really helpful and nice to me.

September 21 at 5:30pm 

i was really happy that something finally happened to get me out of there (it was cold and hungry). But then of course they ask me:
"Where do you want to go?"

Luckily enough I had heard one of the kite-flyers utter the word "Pushkar", because he thought that I was a pilgrim or something. So I tell these people in the car that I want to go to Pushkar.

September 21 at 5:31pm · Edited · 

I think this happened in January 13 or January 14 or something in 2014.


September 21 at 5:31pm

yup it was in 2014, sorry

September 22 at 10:31am 

Right now I am at my parent's place and everything's in very good order here. I really love how it is and last night I made myself some yummy sandwiches

September 22 at 12:38pm 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQGm0H9l9I4

I really like this interpretation!! :)))

September 22 at 1:05pm

September 22 at 1:13pm 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludwig_van_Beethoven

September 22 at 1:20pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_jRvkP7ho

September 22 at 1:32pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO1zklA0CLo

September 22 at 1:37pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMRrCYPxD0I

September 23 at 9:02am 

Teal Swan - Energy Vampires

September 23 at 9:04am 

I will go on with telling the Indian story. Last paragraph I wrote here, in Tartu open library at September 21 and it was like this:

"Luckily enough I had heard one of the kite-flyers utter the word "Pushkar", because he thought that I was a pilgrim or something. So I tell these people in the car that I want to go to Pushkar."

September 23 at 9:09am 

So they take me to the bus station of Jaipur with their white car. It is quite near and the ride was quite smooth and short and then they drop me off.

I am really happy about what happens next. At the bus station they have this small chai shop, they are very common in India. Who would not love them? Of course the chai shop owner is their friend and they start to talk in hindi about my situation and how to help me.

They offer me to take a seat in the chai shop and wait and then they bring me a really nice sweet cup of chai. So I sit there and meditate on patience and to stay calm and to deal with the hunger.

September 23 at 9:11am 

There are some pictures on the wall about hindu deities and the shop owner comes to me when he sees that I look at the pictures and he starts to really nicely and openly explain about what is there and who are the beings on the pictures.

Then later the same guy (I could almost call him a friend now!) gives me a small pie for eating. This I really loved!

September 23 at 9:14am 

He even offers me that he can buy me a ticket back to Estonia but obv that's not where I wished to go yet (I had just arrived to India 4 or 5 days ago). Also I don't think he knew how much it would cost.
But yea then they talk with other guys and figure out pretty soon that they can simpkly get me a bus ticket to Pushkar. I had to wait for few hours, yes, but given the circumstances, it was a pretty fckn awesome offer for a young wandering traveller.

September 23 at 9:17am 

They are really helpful and when the bus comes they help me to get in and I remember one guy with a really compassionate face running to the door and handing me a bottle of pure and fresh water just before the bus is about to take off.

So to Pushkar we go! Through the desert night and strangers all around talking in hindi and sleeping under their blankets, I sit next to the door and the cold wind is constantly blowing to my feet. I only had really thin brown Rajastani trousers on on my feet, so I was rather cool. It can get a really fckn cold in the winter at the desert!

September 23 at 9:18am 

The ride goes on and I only wish that it would end sooner because I am so cold. But no, we make a circle at Ajmer and all kind of small stops that I don't care about, until we finally get to Pushkar.

September 23 at 9:23am 

I jump off at a random stop in the middle of a street and it is night and it is dark and cold. There's a tourist couple coming off at the same stop, a really nice boy and a girl.

I even have some rupis that the bus station people gave me, so I buy myself a chai from the same chai stall that the tourist couple did and I start to talk to them.

I feel really lonely and bored, so I ask the couple nicely after some small introduction: "Can I join you?"

Then the girl gets a bit frightened and shouts it in my face: "No!"

Well, then they disappear somewhere and I wander on. I go according to my feeling and then I suddenly discover that my higher self has dropped me off and now I need to figure it out on my own.

September 23 at 9:28am 

So I walk on and then the small roads and streets of Pushkar that I love so much lead me to the lake.
At the lake I turn left according to my feelings and then I go to the Moon Lake guesthouse. I really liked the sign of theirs and the overall feeling. Now when I write this I can still feel a sudden burst of tender love that the place was silently emitting.

It was truly a magical moment, it was almost a full moon above the lake and all the night sounds of Pushkar and I felt such a mysterious sense of awe, as if I was walking in the middle of an ancient traveller story or a fairy tale.

I go in through the gate and then they have this old couch there outside of the guesthouse and a blanket next to it. Well, as I am completely tired, I thankfully take the option. I lie down on the couch, cover myself with the blanket and fall asleep.

:)

September 23 at 9:29am 

Angel Academy 6 - The Poet of Awakening

September 23 at 3:01pm 

Next morning when I wake up there's this beautiful woman standing next to my bed and she asks me: "Who are you and what are u doing here?"

I continue to pretend that I am very sleepy so that I do not upset her for deliberately occupying her bed. I am almost blushing and I am a bit afraid and I start to explain, giving a very chaotic description to her about how I got there and that I actually do need her help to continue.

She smiles almost as a mother herself to me and says that it is ok and that I can simply start to work for their hotel and that they will give me food and a nice hotel room to stay at. She also says that I am not the first person who has come to their lovely place without money or home.

So I start to work for their hotel and my first task is of course to bring in a lot of tourists. I have no idea how to do this but I am really hungry so I am basically ready for anything.

September 24 at 9:11am 

I just did some astral healing with other people while sleeping, creating a wall of people at the main street in Tartu and exchanging information.

Also yesterday when I fell asleep I went around the house astrally, communicating with people at the neighbor's house and doing some subconscious healing about the daughter-father relationship, that is, I listened to the collective daughter complaining about how she has to take care of an incapable father.

I have noticed that when I do astral travels while sleeping, it just happens very naturally and normally; and I usually just wander around very near and heal my own childhood subconscious areas etc.

September 24 at 9:14am 

My main priorities right now are to somehow clean my own room and make it beautiful and also to get some peace and rest. Survival I think I can manage, I don't feel very safe about it, but I trust and honestly, I have been thru much much worse so right now it is more like a peaceful sleep in a comfortable bed, compared to August or mid-September for example.

September 24 at 9:25am 

In numerology, this year is my first personal year in a 9-year cycle, so this can also explain quite a bit about my individual wanderings.

I will do some numerology about myself and show you how I approach this.

TAAVI TIMM
21149 2944

Integrated Self = 36 = 9
Soul (vocals) = 20 = 2
Personality (consonants) = 16 = 7

Integrated Self 9 means that I tend to always think very globally and that my overall task is basically to wander between the endings of this world and the beginnings of the next one, somehow uniting them and making the transaction as smooth as possible.

Soul 2 means that I am very passionate and dynamic and that the right partner is very important in my life.

Personality 7 means that I have a rather scientific and curious mindset, also I tend to be rather cunning and smart and develop myself in that direction. 7's can dive really deep into any subject that interests them intellectually, but they can also get too much into this "on my own"-mindset if they're not careful. I have been "on my own" since childhood a lot, always studying such arts as poker or piano, both developing the individual character and I have really enjoyed it!

My birthday is 22/07/1991 and so my Life Path is 31 or 4, this means that in this life I am basically looking for stability and work, this is my challenge in this life. 22/07/2015 gives 19 or 1, so it is my first personal year this year. It goes around in 9-year cycles according to numerology, and 1 means a new beginning and discovering who I am as an individual. I have indeed been doing this most passionately this year, after the last year's wonderful finale'.

September 24 at 1:59pm 

I have a story to tell that is very important to me. It happened in Latvia in August, when I was making my way from Lithuania to Estonia. In Latvia, when coming from the south, before Salacgriva is Svetciems. I spent a night there and then in the morning I took a sudden turn to the east, starting to walk towards Pale.

I walked the whole way, and last kilometers before the small road was about to merge with the bigger one, I started to sing, but it was something so powerful that I had never experienced before.

Can you imagine that you're singing all of the songs you heard at the Rainbow gathering at once, you feel the distant callings of the starlights and the loved ones, at the same time Beethoven's Ninth is playing through you, but no, you are the song, but at the same time there is so much power and such an universal peace, this inner absolute calmness, yet yearning desperately and joyfully for the unification, but the unification has already happened, you know it with absolute certainty.

it is very hard to describe, but as I was singing it was like all of the starlight came through me, but it was my own song that I was just constantly improvising as a child as I kept walking on.

So when I got to the big road, few kilometers before Pale at the crossing point, I first sleep a bit at the old bus stop and then I wonder on, really desperate and hungry.

I walk on, barefoot on the big road to the south, very tired, and suddenly there was this small passage leading to the right, into an ancient abandoned garden with very old trees.

September 24 at 2:05pm 

I pick some apples and then there's this like Jesus cradle at the side building of an old manor house, with an artificial rose flower that somebody had put there in a really lovely way. It felt exactly as if it was the place where the real Jesus would have been born on the hay.

I start to feel really good about the place and I wander on. Now there's this old abandoned house, a big wooden house with two floors. On the top floor the window is welcomingly open.

But I go through the back door and I see that somebody has arranged some coats really nicely there, a female hand perhaps that has put some old messy stuff a little bit into order.

I go on inside and soon there is this small red hoodie hanging. It instantly reminded me the Estonian HQ story and how I was calling back the red-black storm by reconnecting with Milarepa, and it also told me that me as a Rainbow warrior was actually doing a similar job. I felt really happy seeing that small red hoodie hanging there, I think "Rainbow" written at the back.

September 24 at 2:09pm 

So I go upstairs and I really like the place but I feel that it has been facing a serious psychic or a magical attack and that's why it is in such a mess and that's why it is abandoned by the family who used to live there.

I start to do some research and more and more I get the confirmations that the woman who lived there with her children (two daughters by the shoes I think? not sure) was forced to leave because of a sudden magical attack, a storm or something.

I go to the sleeping room of theirs and there's a lot of clothes all over and the chimney has fallebn.

September 24 at 2:11pm 

I suddenly feel very confidently that I am right at home and that I have found exactly the right work for me. I knew exactly with such precision, that I wanted to start restoring and healing these ancient damaged houses, and create a homely network out of them all over Earth, where the travellers would feel welcome and at home.

September 24 at 2:14pm 

I actually decided to stay in that house and start living there. So far I had basically been running for my life through the forests, not getting a single peaceful moment for a very long time.

So I spend a night there, already planning to actually settle down for at least a month and start restoring it on my own and later, who knows when, others might join.

It was like a Beethoven's dream put into physicality, to create a homely environment for everybody, but again, given the circumstances, I had to start on my own.

September 24 at 2:21pm 

But at the night something happens. I have this dream where I am visited by a woman who is sitting cross-legged with an orange hoodie on or something. She tells me the story about how she had to escape that house because there were lot of males coming to her place and starting to fight with each other. In that dream I also fight with those male forces, trying to calm them down, while at the same time apologizing to the female, who is sitting a bit higher than us, unable to come down because of the fight.

She is ok, her mouth is a little bit hurt as if she was punched once but not too hard and just by accident maybe, and she is crying, seeing me coming down there fighting with these guys to help her.
At first sight I thought she was my wife, but it actually seemed to be a much more ancient version of her, like a wise female, the real female wisdom, who is capable for healthy and natural witchcraft. She had an orange hoodie on or something.

So in the morning when I wake up I know that my dream has been created and that I can leave, no need to stay there in Latvia, Tartu is waiting.

i leave my set of Anastasia-books on the shelf, and arrange and heal the messy stuff a little bit and then i continue my journey towards Tartu.

September 24 at 4:27pm 

I was just walking at the mall (Kaubamaja) and I did not feel good inside. My question is:
What is the point of creating a building, that you don't feel good inside?

September 25 at 6:54pm

It is almost a koan, like this one, one of my favourites:

43. Shuzan's Short Staff

Shuzan held out his short staff and said: "If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?"
Mumon's comment: If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. It cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words. Now say quickly what it is.

Holding out the short staff,
He gave an order of life or death.
Positive and negative interwoven,
Even Buddhas and patriarchs cannot escape this attack.

September 25 at 6:52pm

September 25 at 7:05pm 

So back to the Indian story. Last paragraph was written at September 23 and it was like this:
"So I start to work for their hotel and my first task is of course to bring in a lot of tourists. I have no idea how to do this but I am really hungry so I am basically ready for anything."

September 25 at 7:13pm 

The very same morning, I am still hungry, she asks me to wait for the guy who can show me the tourist-bringing job. I wait and soon we start to go together with that guy towards the bus station of Pushkar.

So we walk from the lake and we turn towards the bus station on the main street and we can only walk like a 100 meters when one guy with a big backpack walks our way. Well he definitely looked like a tourist by anyone's standards, so I start doing my job and approach him and try to talk to him a little bit.

Well, it turned out that he was heading for the Moon Lake guesthouse anyway (where I now worked). So I walk together with him back to the guesthouse and this is how I bring my first tourist. Great success! The woman who ran the Moon Lake guesthouse is very happy and a bit surprised about my fast and effective job.

So I go on together with the tourist-bringing-guy to the bus station for the next mission.

September 25 at 9:06pm

lapsepõlv, 2010

September 25 at 9:15pm 

lapsepõlv, 2008

September 25 at 9:30pm 

perega matkal, omal ajal standard

September 25 at 9:50pm 

Some of my most favourite moments with my father are the scientific research journeys!! :))) 1998

September 25 at 9:53pm 

Also with my sisters :))) 1998

September 26 at 8:03am 

This is me with my mother in 1999. We seem to handle the situationoso pretty well or what :D

 

September 26 at 10:39am 

I do begin to discover the beauty of teamwork. With family, 2009

September 26 at 10:50am 

Practicing with my brother. It's like a competition: who can stay and stand longer on the gate?? We both fell down quite fast :D

2008

September 27 at 12:25pm 

I got some feedback that there are a lot of hungry and homeless persons on this planet and they do not feel good about it. I am really interested, what are our priorities? Are we just sitting around here in the western world and worrying about if our car got scratched or are we gonna offer a hungry person the food and home that he or she needs?

September 27 at 12:27pm 

I think it is very important to stop acting in this ridiculous way, pretending that nothing has happened or that everything's alright while it is not. Facing the truth and starting to make real actions perhaps?? I am just one person but it does hurt me a lot if I hear the stories such as: oh look there's like few million people still starving but oh well let's just play golf and feel happy that we survived. Wtf??

September 30 at 2:10pm 

I just came home and discovered that my father has published a whole big book, 400+ pages. The book is called "Identification guide to freshwater macroinvertebrates of Estonia" and it is truly a great work, which has reached some really interesting directions that I haven't so far been capable of studying too much. He is really doing compassionata to the fullest, much respect and again I see that I have so much to learn!

September 30 at 2:26pm

https://www.facebook.com/pascal.merker.946/videos/87756379299/

September 30 at 8:23pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS0FPVOU5e0

September 30 at 8:43pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRoT9xjoNJE

September 30 at 8:57pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTF9xgqLIvI

October 1 at 7:32pm 

it's peaceful now

October 1 at 11:11pm 

Kirjutan seda India-lugu edasi, viimane lõik oli 25. septembril ja kõlas nii:
" So I go on together with the tourist-bringing-guy to the bus station for the next mission."

Nüüd aga jätkan eesti keeles.

October 1 at 11:15pm 

Sissejuhatus.

Jalutasimegi koos bussipeatusesse, läbi lärmakate ja tolmuste, ent ometi mõnusate Pushkari tänavate. Hindudele omase rahulikkusega liikus mu teejuht häirimatult siia-sinna tuuritavate mootorrataste, motorollerite ja autode vahelt läbi, jättes tähelepanuta teeäärtes palava päikese käes peesitavad lehmad.

Oli hommik ja kuigi ma polnud saanud kuigi pikalt magada, tundsin ma ometi oma liikmetes salapärast rahu, tulvil ootusärevust ja siirust, silmistsäravat rõõmu, valmis vastu astuma ükskõik millele, kui see vaid lõbus on.

Öine jahedus hakkas järele andma ja läinud ööl korda saadetud pöörased tembud andsid teed uue päeva seiklusrikkale ja paljutõotavale algusele.

October 2 at 9:51am 

"Taavi, tule!" - Turistide püüdmisega oli see jama, et sama töö peal ja iga bussi varitsemas oli juba niigi paarkümmend hindut, kes olid kõik kas juba niigi omavahel sõbrad, või sujuvalt ära jaotatud kohalikesse armsatesse maffiasüsteemidesse.

See oli neile nagu sport või hobi, ja pealtnäha lootusetu, oli selles mängus siiski oma kindel kohalik reeglistik, ja nagu ma hiljem veenduda võisin, eristusid ka siin selgelt tegijad ja niisama-kobakäpad või tavalised päevavargad, kuidas soovite.

Kogu hindude lärmakuse juures on hästi tore see, et nad pakuvad sulle ja kõigile teistele pidevalt teed. Must tee segatud piima ja suhkruga, väikestes plasttopsides otse tänava serval, ja topsid visatakse pärast joomist otse loomulikult üle õla või lastakse lihtsalt käest kukkuda.

Nad on hästi tore ja mõnus rahvas, ning oma siira uudishimu, lahkuse ja südantsoendava vestlusvalmidusega pesid nad mult kiiresti Viini metroos külma ükskõiksuse saatel tekkinud ränduri üksilduse.

Pealetükkivus näis nede jaoks iseenesestmõistetav, lääne häbitunde asemel pigem kergesti haavatav uhkus või pidev kiitlemisvajadus. Mis mulle üha rohkem meeldima hakkas, oli see, et nad olid mingil arusaamatul hindulikul kombel suutnud ühendada töökuse ja laiskuse. See tähendab, et nad pmst kõik töötasid kogu aeg, aga olid seejuures alati mõnusalt laisad ja rõõmsad, lõdvestunud ja õnnelikud.

See ülim leplikkus oma saatusega viskas mul küll hiljem üle, aga esialgu, õpipoisi rollis, ma pigem vaatasin ja õppisin nende nipid kätte; võib-olla alateadlikult ka selleks, et hiljem läänes sarnase praktikaga hiilata.

October 2 at 12:40pm

https://vimeo.com/141151720

October 5 at 10:14am 

The night before the passport. A short story by T. Timm

The inner passion and friction of mine has grown into such high degrees that I can hardly contain it. The outflaw of this kind of creative energy has been limited so far and now I feel as if I am about to step through a narrow pathway again, fearlessly into the known this time maybe? - , yet my heart is beating rapidly and my spirit is more restless than it ever was as I am describing this inner adventure of mine.

A hero's journey, but the most ordinary one. It is not the first time that I am standing on this gateway; waiting in anxiety for the unexpected and well-known roads that are about to unfold.

I cannot get any rest, no peace, not until I am together ... again, safely arrived home; I do not want to be departed, can you do me this one favor, just one – do not let me go.

So why still this distrust, is this perhaps the last anxiety fading? ... I cannot stand it, I cannot behold, I cannot look, I am fulfilled with trembling, but it is not fear, more like a state of restlessness, can we be together, can we stay together? ...

In the midst of all this chaos there is still something to rely on, perhaps to hold onto, yes, to hold onto really strong, - and that is our

Actually, I do know one place where I am safe, sound and protected, and that is in the midst of this
I have nowhere to go, I do not have anywhere to escape, but here, there, in the midst of all this chaos, there is one safe place and that is our

The human heart is restless, I feel the chaos, I do feel the passion and the panic, father, mother, what to do? - how to be, how to feel, how to behave, how to act as a child?

These people, they say they accept me, they assure me that it is alright , but at the same time I feel so cold and bad and lonely around them - ...

Just another walk in the park, down the dark alleyway, hopelessness and lonelidom, down here we go once again.

I know these paths oh too well, there is nothing new in here, nothing to be discovered or relived anymore.

I hear you waiting with the same kind of anxiety, the same kind of mental tension, grabbing and holding onto these papers that have scratched the hell out of your skin; I do not want it – yet when you offer it, I yearn it, I sometimes wonder why is it so.

The frictions and collisions of this world do not hold me back, but they do pierce me into self-control and discomfiture. And for some reason, I am capable of enjoying it.

Why does it have to be such a hard path, why us, why we, why why why, sitting on the rooftops of Jodhpur and laughing at all these mists and the golden-green parrots are flying above us right into the sunset.

I cannot stand it any longer, where are you?? - in the midst of all this, I must cling to something, I must hold on strong, so there is no other way but to love you.

I cannot contain it and I do not want to go back on my own or alone, so

October 5 at 10:21am 

A short story number 2.

Well, sirs, ladies and gentlemen, maybe it is indeed better to use Facebook and get it all presented out nicely; otherwise we could remain in the cave forever, making dots on sheets of paper.

Not that I would dislike secrets, I love them!, it is more that I enjoy the game too much; and no matter in which direction you wish to proceed, I do feel capable of adjusting and following you up.

I am currently going through a period of self-reflection, but it does not mean sitting in the solitude only, however, this lack of human contact is mostly my own fault and is the consequence of my lovely self-experiments in the past (yogi, traveller etc).

I am gathering the works and I am exchanging energies and I am getting myself properly stabilized in this hellhole. It is not the easiest task, but for sure it is the most rewarding one, by far the most rewarding one so far.

Phantom lover syndrome is nice, but when you start comparing it with a physical touch, then the experience is a little bit different. It does add an extra flavour when you know a little bit of the background, however, who cares, and then you just get into it.

October 5 at 10:36am 

So, where was I? Ah, right in the middle of releasing the intel towards the neighbouring galaxies. But I got stopped a little bit while doing so, too much shame maybe in the central populationioso, but they will get over it.

I truly love where all of this is leading, and I can already see the sonatas and scherzos becoming handy in advance. The music school was way too tough this time, but I will keep on practicing and who knows where it will lead. O Trisanku! Ascend!

Viswaamitra is Vaali is taavi1337 and Avataren is Raama in a poker blog. Little John and Robin Hood are also Milarepa and Marpa and I suspect that there is much more to this story, some parts I know and some I don't and most of it is highly sensitive.

Zeus is also Indra and he was in a team with Siva and they have been doing some weird stuff for quite a long time here. I also suspect that Zeus was Lenin and I know that Siva was Jesus was Hitler was Marpa and he also wrote the „Kalevipoeg”. They are both quite lizardish in my opinion.

Zeus is also alive and I know him pretty well. I spent two months or something together with him, making talking circles that he loved so much.

Milarepa is Beethoven who is also Viswaamitra, Nietzsche, Zarathustra and Bodhidharma. He is also David and Dionysos and Krishna. Ok, so: Aegeus who played the piano when Atlantis fell is also Viswaamitra, Vaali, Avalokiteshvara, Krishna, Moses, Dionysos, Theseus, David, Bodhidharma, Prometheus (remember the Zeus story!! much improvement on this one!! also with Trisanku all together at Trepimäe), Zarathustra, Milarepa, Beethoven, Nietzsche, Ashtu, taavi1337, an unknown Finnish soldier, and now he was born again in 1991 in Estonia as Taavi Timm (this was still in Soviet times, now I also upgraded my ID-card this morning).

Milarepa was a preparation training for Beethoven (same embracement vs Marpa and crew), and most of Nietzsche's impact is yet to unfold, I believe.

I have also been through some zen trainings and I have entered my own monastery as a shaolin monk. I do want the sonatas and I also want to translate „Also sprach Zarathustra's” original to Estonian.

A protip to Lucifer: ashtanga yoga is very good to control the energy flows within your own body.

In the love in the light in the glory! Listen to Maria dancing in the midnight..... Casino in Drunvalo's books!!

Well, this is just the beginning. Morning stories of the Galaxy, volume II, to be continued.

(P. S. She is our child!!!!)

Allegro assai vivace, alla Marcia.

Taavi

October 6 at 12:14am

Minna Hint shared a link to your timeline.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzM43j1b5EQ

October 8 at 5:08pm ·

What I did in Tartu:

1) Gathering and uniting the post-Atlantis energies as much as I could
2) Reporting the more critical aspects of the situation via Facebook

I left from Tartu to Tallinn on Monday, 5th of October. My reasons for changing the town at least for a while are:

1) I put a lot of focus and energy in Tartu during September, and I feel that it needs a little bit of allowing as well.
2) Energetic balance and emotional healing on individual level

Right now I am feeling quite safe and peaceful. Overall I feel that many people are right now very joyous inside. I feel that these people are capable of dealing with the situation and they are doing their job very well and efficiently.

22 hrs 

What they're basically doing is that they do everything they can block the pineal access or connection to higher frequencies. Normally it would be easy to access your 9th, 10th, 11th and 12 chakras (9th is planetary chakra, 10th is solar system, 11th is galactic chakra and 12th is universal chakra - that is, getting information from other universes as well.) But they seem to use all kind of techniques to avoid people accessing the higher frequencies beyond the city noise. They also send helicopters to block it when somebody starts to make a more outstanding attempt to connect with friends or star people or astral levels. However, you can still easily access the astral levels by listening to classical music for example:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oNd38qBq7Y

21 hrs 

The first movement is very good for a nice breakout:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGEiJ44K3Oo

21 hrs 

Also this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMzLZsoPDU4

In the first movement it moves towards a climax and then breaks out to the astral levels.